Remembering where you came from....

So, I'm working through the issues that SWB has dealt me the past 24 hours. It certainly knocked the wind out of my sails and I'm really disappointed that things went the way they did. Still, it's given me food for thought and time to reflect on my own situation and sometimes how you maybe take things for granted or you forget what brought you to where you are today.... so today was the first time I will share my gorgeous little twins that I so tragically lost 12 years ago on the 16th of March 1998. They were 23 anda half weeks and the first born twin Heather was 610g and the second little one Chelsea (that I thought was a boy according to scans!) was 530g. Both were born alive and lived for about one glorious hour. Tragically, their lungs were well and truly unable to sustain their lives and they passed away approximately one hour after their birth - both in my arms, both with their Mum who loved them more than life itself. To this day, I still have nightmares about it - although less regularly than I used to - about the sound of them laying in my arms and trying to breathe, their lungs not letting them, the tears streaming down my face, so much so I was worried I wouldn't be able to see them clearly, about the point when I knew it was over and the thing that plagues me the most, handing them over to the nurses, knowing that even though I would spend the night with them, tomorrow I would never see them again. It's something you never get over. You move on, you recover, you even get to the point where you can talk about them without welling up, but I don't think you ever TRULY get over it. No mother should have to endure having her babies die in her arms.....not even the cruelest, most horrible person on the planet.....

But enough of that, I wanted to remember my girls in my journey. I wanted them to know that they have a little brother or sister coming to join me and become part of their family. They must already know that though!! Especially seeing as I discovered I was pregnant on the date of their birthday, the 16th of March 2010!! Thankyou girls for your wonderful gift.... I will always remember you both and you will always be my special little angel babies xxxx