Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Funny how things go...

I've not really felt like blogging for ages and to be honest I don't really feel like it now but I wanted to get something off my chest...

On Wednesday this week I was prescribed Zoloft. This mightn't seem like a big deal to lots of people and I know it's only a short term crutch to help me back on my feet but something in the back of my mind makes me feel like a failure, like I couldn't do this on my own, like I wasn't strong or competent enough to handle any of this.... And I hate it.


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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Oh it's been AGES!!!

I haven't blogged in a ridiculous amount of time and I will get back to it properly but two things (one terribly late putting in here...), but...

1) a massive Congrats to rolzbub for her bfp!!! It's just awesome and I'm really loving being able to share it with you!!!!!

2) another massive Congrats, this time to Nani who gave birth today to a very adorable little boy!!! So happy for you!!!! It's just awesome!!!! Hope you're both well!!!

Happy days!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:The couch!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Post delivery stuff!

Soooooo..... no laptop cause DP's HP mini was dropped at work and he's had this one and so that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

Actually, it's been a combination of the following (I think it will just be easier to dot point):

* An infection turned abscess under my episiotomy site about 10 days after delivery
* Lanced and drained (this abscess was THE SINGLE MOST PAINFUL THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED!!!! I can't stress this enough!!!!)
* Abscess comes back three days later and I go in for surgery again to have it drained again.
* Scar tissue and an edema at the durgery site leaves me sore for weeks but getting better.
* Finally get rid of the roids I got after all that pushing. They were awful!!
* Anal fissure is the last thing I'm now tackling..... TMI I'm sorry but when passing number 2's it's like shitting razor blades WITH acid on them!!! God, what must we women endure?!?!!?

Anyway, this stuff is almost all cleared up now. I'm still sore and still feel like there's alot of pressure "down there" but I'm now back into pelvic floor exercises (my OB told me not to do them until now to ewnsure that the tissue and area post surgery was all healed properly), and afrer seeing a surgeon yesterday about my busted bum, I feel a little more confident that things are on the up!

I MUST tell the pg ladies who read this blog to GET ON THE SPINNING BABIES website as soon as you can and do everything in your power to stop your baby becoming posterior!! Don't stress if it doesn't turn, but I wish I had have started the exercises earlier so that I could have had a bit more influence over her position?!?! Then again, it may not have made any difference!!!! lol!!!

You know, after nearly 11 weeks of constant pain and exhaustion and feeling isolated and at timesa bit of a failure, there isn't one second I wouldn't go and do it a million times over again for the same outcome. DD is the bes thing (aside from DP) that has ever happened to me. And in no way has it deterred me from one day trying for a little brother or sister. All the blood, sweat and tears are worth it, no questions asked. And for those who are still TTC, don't ever give up. I know that it feels sometimes like the universe is working against you, but you won't regret your persistence once you'ret there. I promise. And we're with you 100% of the way xxx

Monday, December 27, 2010

Long time, no post!!!

Well it feels like FOREVER since I've been able to get online and post! How the hell am I gunna remember everything from 5 weeks ago?!?!

Oh well..... my main aim was to do a bit of an update from my labour/birth before I forgot it all!! Not that one could forget it..... but you do start to lose some of the detail from the memory banks - mostly from sleep deprivation I think!

Anyway I will keep it as succinct as possible! So it all started on Saturday the 20th of November. I woke in the morning and went to the loo and when I wiped (sorry TMI warning) there was a heap of blood! And I'm talking like you get on day 1 or 2 of normal AF. I looked in the loo bowl and it was FILLED with blood. Of course I panicked and so went to find DP who was outside somewhere pottering in the vegie garden. I couldn't track him down so went back to the loo to cehck again. Went again and again, lots of blood.
I called the hospital and got put through to the midwives and I just thought I'd ask them if this was normal. I'd started having BH contractions and they appeared to be approx 6 minutes apart. When I spoke to the midweife, she said anything more than about 2 Tbs of blood was cause for investigation and because we live 40 min from the hospital, I should come in to get things checked out. So I got the bags together and went out to tell DP we'd have to go in to get things checked out. By this time I needed to go to the loo again and yet again a loo bowl full of bloody water. This time I didn't flush cause as weird as it sounds I wanted to show DP so he could see my cause for concern. I went outside and found his in the shed talking to a mate about cricket (that he was due to be playing that day) and said I needed to see him. We didn't want anyone to know when we went into labour so obviously I didn't say anything - well, at that stage I had no idea I was even IN the early stages of labour!!
Once he came inside and saw the blood, he kicked up a gear and ran around loading my bag and his bag into the car in the event that we'd need them. We drove down to the hospital and got to the mid ward.
They popped me in a ward bed where I would wait for about 40 min for the OB to come and do an internal. Dr W came and she suggested that I was having a show but couldn't figure out why it was so heavy. She then did a stretch and sweep after determining that I was infact 3cm dilated.
Well..... THAT s&s REALLY got the blood flowing and I was passing large clots and lots and lots of blood. Because of this, they decided not to let me go home and wait for things to progress. My BH (well I thought they were BH but it turns out they were early contractions) were still 6 min apart and were strong but bearable. They thought at this stage that I'd progress fairly quickly and they weren't busy so they actually moved me up to one of the three birthing suites. They put me on a monitor and contractions were STILL 6 min apart and bubs HR was around the 150-160 mark. Then the waiting game REALLY started.....
Nothing progressed for the rest of the day! Lots of bleeding (the midwives came to the loo with me every time I went to check my blood loss - that was embarrassing!) and the contractions remained 6 min apart all day. In the afternoon they told me and DP to get out and about and walk around. They suggested to go for a drive and get a coffee and come back about 6pm for a check. We did this but driving around was awful cause I'd get a contraction and the movement of the car made it feel a thoudsand times worse! Then we went into gloria jeans to get a coffee and having contractions like that in public was awfully embarrassing! I just wanted to sit back in the car!
We went back to the hospital and nothing had progressed any further!!! Argh!! They checked me over again on the monitor and once they'd done that, they said we could go out for tea (as if I felt like that!!) but we did and I suffered through the contractions during my dinner!! We went to a local pub bistro that we knew probably wouldn't be that busy cause we were both in trackies and after a full day of labour, I felt less than glamorous!
We went back to the hospital about 9pm and my contractions weren't getting any closer but certainly getting much more painful. I was able to breathe through them and by the middle of the night I'd given in and taken panadeine forte to help me get some kind of sleep. We slept the night in the birthing suite - when I say we slept, we might have had 3 hours all up because I spent half the time rolling around on a fitball and chatting to the various midwives that came for visits.
Sunday was much the same, still only 3cm dilated and contractions still 6 min apart. Still lots of blood loss....
In the arvo they moved me out of the birthing suite into a ward bed cause they had some women coming in to give birth and so I got the arse!
Sunday night my contractions amped up a level again and whilst still 6 minutes apart, became more and more painful. Panadeine forte was my only escape and I slept about 3 hours for the night again. I hated it sunday night cause DP had to go as they don't let partners sleep in the ward (they can stay in the birthing suites though) and I was worried I'd go into serious labour without him with me!
Anyway at about 5:50am on the Monday morning (the 22nd of Nov) I got what I consider (in hindsight) a REAL, fair dinkum, blow ya mind contraction and it last about the same time as the others but then the next came in 4 minutes, then again at 4 min. And so they began getting closer! I was moved back up to the birthing suite and prepped for delivery! I frantically rang DP and he shot straight back to the hospital (he'd stayed the night in town at his sisters) and was there in about 15 min. After an internal, they said I was 4cm dilated and contractions were now 3 min apart. They had said on the sunday that if labour hadn't progressed on it's own, they would induce me, but my body beat them to it!
Dr Nick came in (he's by far my fave OB) and broke my waters (which is still probably the weirdest feeling!!) and water gushed everywhere. I was up on the bed reclining on my back which was the position I really didn't plan on being in, but for some reason felt like the most comfy and appropriate at the time. Contractions after my waters broke were 2 min apart and I quickly went to about 6cm dilated. I was able to continue to breathe through the contractions this whole time without anything more than panadeine forte. But then oh my god.... the back pain started and I should have known how things would go once this started. I could FEEL from the bubs movement inside me that she was posterior but it didn't seem to be much of a concern from anyone else's point of view.
The back pain was something I can't describe and actually made breathing through the contractions almost impossible. Breathing through a contraction needs you to focus on something, anything...... just something to get your mind away from the pain. I thought the whole breathing thing was a crock of shit but I can't tell you how much it helped me! Anyway, the back pain clouded my mind and made the focus nearly impossible. By this point I was 7cm and I was still calm and had a sense of humour but requested an epidural. I had heat packs etc but the pain was excruciating!!!
The anaesthetist took FOREVER to get to me - being a monday they have more surgeries scheduled and being a country hosptial, they aren't overflowing with staff! He FINALLY got there and I only JUST made it in time for the epidural. If I'd been any further dilated they wouldn't have given me one.
The pain was awful but again I just breathed through it. His first go, he got it in a blood vessel (so he said) and pulled it out to try again. A bit of anaesthetic must have gone in though and next thing I know, half my right hand went dead and my two outside fingers curled up like a manky hand and it stayed like that until Monday night!!! It was a weird feeling!!! Took my mind off things though!!
The second attempt was much more successful! Once the back pain subsided I Could get back into the business of focussing. I wasn't supposed to be able to feel anything really, but the midwives and the OB suggested that because I could still move my legs a bit, that I try and turn over and lean over the back of the bed. Oh, by this stage I was fully dilated and pushing was to begin. I pushed and pushed and pushing but to no avail. Like a rag doll and with the help of the 2 midwives and OB, I was able to turn over on the bed and lean over the raised back to get gravity on my side. This did nothing either!!!! Bub wasn't really moving down! They could see the forehead!!! She was posterior and brow presenting so trying to come face first!!!! No bub, that's not right!!! They put me back on my back and then a steady flow of various docs came in to investigate. Mine and bub's HR were both great so they allowed me to continue to push. I REALLY didn't want a c section unless it was for bubs safety. By this stage I'd been pushing for about 3 hours. It was then that they suggested I'd have to go down to theatre and have a c section. I started to cry and cry like a little baby! I just couldn't understand why I couldn't push her out. Anyway, the forms came for me to sign for surgery - which I did begrudgingly - and then a heap of people came from no where. Rolling me onto boards to transfer me to another bed, people checking my fingernails for polish and fingers for rings etc. Asking me ifI was allergic to anything..... the whole time I was blubbering and telling DP I really didn't want a  csection and I wanted to keep pushing!!! There were about 8 people other than DP and I in the birthing suite and all the commotion really upset me and I started to cry and could not be consoled by anyone!!
They started to wheel me down to theatre and every time I got a contraction I would just push until I thought my lungs would pop out of my arse!!!  They were every minute at this stage so the pushing continued all the way down to theatre. People would talk to me but I'd just ignore them, zone out and push like I was trying to turn myself inside out!!! We got into the little room that leads into theatre and the anaesthetist was back, loading me up with more drugs to numb me completely. But I was still getting contractions, and so I kept pushing like a woman possessed!!!!
They'd attached a little HR monitor to bubs forehead earlier and the OB's were watching me in this little room prior to theatre and were amazed that it actually seemed to be making its way down the birth canal!
They decided at this stage that if I could keep pushing like I was and that bubs HR remained as good as it was (it was still around 110) then they would try and turn bub and use a vacuum extraction. I was thrilled and got a new rush of determination!!!! The contractions kept coming and I just kept pushing - so hard I'd lift my whole back off the bed and double myself over just like you see in the movies!!!
They wheeled me into theatre and popped me over onto another bed. They put my legs up in these stirrups that velcro your calves in and yet more drugs were administered by the anaesthetist!! By this stage I couldn't feel really anything and they put a screen up so I couldn't see down past my chest. DP had gone MIA between the birthing suite and theatre and I started to panic when I couldn't see him! He'd gone off to "smurf up" (as he put it) and next thing I knew he returned to my side, dressed in blue theatre garb and a pink paper hat and pink paper booties!! That made me smile!!!
Next thing I know they're telling me to keep pushing so I'm back into it, hoping that I was being helpful but not being able to feel my efforts anymore due to the new drugs! I was then pushed and pulled and jostled around on the bed - DP reckons I was sliding up and downthe bed anywhere between 6-12 inches as they were trying to turn bub. His eyes were as big as pie plates, in complete disbelief at how rough things had become!!!! Then a lovely midwife popped her head over the screen and said "they've turned it!!" and this gave me renewed hope! I pushed and pushed and pushed and DP tells me at this stage that nearly another hour and a half had passed! Everything seemed to have happened so quickly, but you really have no concept of time during delivery!!! They kept telling me when to push and I'd keep pushing and I kept asking if anything was happening (causeI still couldn't see) but everyone just kep saying I was doing a great job and to keep going if I could, but I didn't know WHAT exactly was happening. Next thing I know that nice midwife stuck her head back over the screen and said "it's heads out!!" and I say, "Is it??!?!!?" and I keep pushing like mad!!!! Then she's gone back over again and DP squeezes my hand tighter!!!
Once I knew the head was out I knew it was only a matter of time! I think it might have been 2 more pushes and they pulled the screen down and next thing I know my baby is plonked up on my stomach and I'm in complete shock!!!! My baby looked like a rabbit, freshly skinned!! All pink and slimy but OH SO GORGEOUS!!!!!! Then they take bub away to a table over on the other side of the room and I don't know what the hell is going on!! I tell DP to go and see what's happening and to see what it is, but he says, "no there's 6 people over there, I'll just be in the way!!" and after about 7 or 8 minutes I tell DP to go over and see what we had. I knew but he didn't!  He went over then came rushing back and said, "Did you think it was a girl???" and I nodded and he said, "yeah, cause that's what we had!!!" his eyes overflowing again with tears!!!!! Tears of complete happiness, relief, pride!!! It turned out, they'd taken her away from me because she wasn't breathing. It took them some time to revive her but they said that they weren't super concerned because he HR was still good, she just might not have been breathing because she was exhausted.

Ooooh, visitors have just arrived!!! Bugger! Back soon for part II!!!!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Too much for one post

Well, far too much has happened since last post to wrote it all on my iPhone!! But tonight is my last night in hospital and I can't explain how much I'm hanging to get home! Am sleeping in a room with a feral from timboon and she's doing my head in! I've literally had maybe 3 hours total sleep since bub arrived and I'm wrecked!! Anyway, maybe if I wrote what I did today and the next post can catch up to this?? Bit Irish!!

Today we discovered Bub is mildly jaundiced but not enough to put under lights, which was essentially the reason we are allowed to leave tomorrow.
My episiotomy site is healing well. My bleeding has all but stopped (rlt maybe helping there??) and my milk came in tonight at the last feed which was 10:30 (so about 40min ago). Don't think poor bubba new what to do with it all cause she's normally ploughing away for half am hour on each boob dragging the colostrum out but this time you could literally hear the milk glugging down into her tummy!! And POO!!!!! Boy, this baby's bowels are well and truly working!! Tonight when I was changing her nappy after the milk feed, it was pouring out of her! Kinda like those little plastic play doh machines you squeeze down and makes a snakey shape out the other side! I just kept wiping and wiping!!! Hahaha!!! But it's goodfor her, get all the meconium out! Next will come those watery milk poos!!! Hee hee!!!
Bub also had a blood test from the back of her hand (NST was it??) and that was awful to watch how far they stick the needle in her hand but they fed her sugar water whilst doing it and she didn't even murmur, just lapped up the sugar!!! Atta girl!!
Well, that's all I've got the energy to really write tonight but before I go just wanted to apologize cause I haven't had a chance to get into swb group and I feel awful for being such a snob!!! So a bit hello to all my fave ladies out there, and the few that aren't in swb too!!!! You know who you are!!!! Big hugs to you all and I will be in touch shortly!!!!

Goodnight (pray I get some sleep tonight an don't have to listen to the snoring bandit too much!!)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Hospital bed (for the last night!!)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Exhausted!!

Well it's 2:58am on monday the 22nd of November and I'm sitting up in my bed cause my right side is completely dead after laying on it since about 8:30pm!!! Dead leg, Aaaargh!! But in saying that, I've pretty much slept through (breathing through much less painful contractions) thanks to some panadeine and my first shot of pethidine since about 11pm and wow it's done me the world of good! Would still like to sleep some more if possible but had to go to the loo, have a water etc.
So bib hasn't arrived of it's own accord so looks to be induction time for me in the morning. I REALLY didn't want to be induced, but after bleeding quite heavily since sat morning and contractions that are getting stronger but not closer together, they won't leave it to continue and end up stressing bub etc.
So ob said last night that this morning they will break my waters, pop a drip in with syntocin and I'm going to opt for an epidural which they will also administer at that time. This should all happen first thing from about 7-7:30am bit it will also depend on who else has condom overnight and the availability of birthing suites.... It may mean a later start if they're all full!!

A big hello to my swb gals!! Not snobbing you, just struggle to get in via this iPhone!! Will be back shortly for a chat!!

Also sorry to GS who I was texting last night and very rudely fell asleep!! Sorry!!!! Xxxx

Well, will write again later.... Possibly as a mum! Eeeeeeeek!!!!!!!


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Location:Ward bed, hospital

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Coming up 24 hours

So it's 9:30am and in about half an hour I will have clocked 24hours since this all started!! Feel like I've been awake for a week and run three marathons but still in good spirits!
The head ob on duty just popped in and said they were going to break my waters and also offered my an epi. Haven't taken up the offer yet but considering it cause my body is fairly fatigued.... Will keep contemplating it. To date have only had panadeine forte and going good breathing through the contractions. Writing this between said contractions and also trying to have something to eat. Dp has gone to get himself some maccas brekky and have a shower at his sisters. Hope he is back soon, I'm a bit nervous without him, he has been fantastic!!! Even if he did sleep about 6 hours last night!!!!! Hahaha

My brekky I'm trying to eat....



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