I don't believe it.... I don't think I've EVER been told off in my life for being insensitive, for being vain, for being nasty in any way..... maybe it should have happened ages ago to wake me up??
So, SWB is now down to 7 members - pretty much cause I drove everyone away... how could I not see it coming?? How could I be so bloody insensitive??? I didn't mean to..... not one bone in my body is ever truly malicious or spiteful, or jealous as that's not the way I was brought up.
I guess in this instance it came and bit me on the bum - ignorance, that is.....
I guess now though, I'm confused..... it seems we all started this journey together, sharing our troubles, our good times, our lows, our questions, our answers, our opinions..... and it was always inevitable that some journeys would progress ahead of others. Were we not prepared for just how much of a divide it would have on our group? I became mindful of talking too much about my journey quite a while back. Coming from the same starting point, I was not unaware of how hard it is for TTCer's. It's not that long ago that I was in th same boat. It's not that long ago that I too was sharing my experience of loss. I felt like I was able to contribute to the SWB support network.... am I no longer able to offer that? Does my past now mean nothing, just because I managed to conceive??? I always hoped that my awful experiences could go to helping those in need, to help out things in perspective, to help people understand that it IS possible to recover from such tragedy, to help others believe that even with problems in the past, it IS possible to conceived again..... this morning I feel like that all means nothing. I never meant to complain about getting "fat" in one of my belly pics. It was said in jest, as I'm somewhere between being normal, and looking pregnant so to others who don't know me, I just LOOK like I'm getting fat. That was really all I meant by it. And now I wear the burden of driving so many TTCer's from our SWB group and it's more than I can bear at the moment...... For anyone reading this, again I apologise and I hope you can accept my apology. Whilst any "compaints" might have been vented in the realms of SWB, I can assure you that from my perspective, they were shallow and meant nothing in the scheme of things. Sometimes (being human after all), even though you're more than eternally grateful for this beautiful being growing inside you, the stresses of normal life can get you down. It was never meant for TTCer's to judge us or assume that a whinge here or complaint there, meant we didn't love or want this baby more than life itself. I've ALWAYS tried to be a positive person, and do my best to appreciate everything I have in my life. I always try to see the best in every situation, and I never give up (although you have your bad days!) if I want something bad enough. But today, I feel like I have lost a part of me that I'd come to enjoy and relish so much...... I'm sorry I ruined it for so many. It was NEVER my intention.......
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