Long time, no post!!!

Well it feels like FOREVER since I've been able to get online and post! How the hell am I gunna remember everything from 5 weeks ago?!?!

Oh well..... my main aim was to do a bit of an update from my labour/birth before I forgot it all!! Not that one could forget it..... but you do start to lose some of the detail from the memory banks - mostly from sleep deprivation I think!

Anyway I will keep it as succinct as possible! So it all started on Saturday the 20th of November. I woke in the morning and went to the loo and when I wiped (sorry TMI warning) there was a heap of blood! And I'm talking like you get on day 1 or 2 of normal AF. I looked in the loo bowl and it was FILLED with blood. Of course I panicked and so went to find DP who was outside somewhere pottering in the vegie garden. I couldn't track him down so went back to the loo to cehck again. Went again and again, lots of blood.
I called the hospital and got put through to the midwives and I just thought I'd ask them if this was normal. I'd started having BH contractions and they appeared to be approx 6 minutes apart. When I spoke to the midweife, she said anything more than about 2 Tbs of blood was cause for investigation and because we live 40 min from the hospital, I should come in to get things checked out. So I got the bags together and went out to tell DP we'd have to go in to get things checked out. By this time I needed to go to the loo again and yet again a loo bowl full of bloody water. This time I didn't flush cause as weird as it sounds I wanted to show DP so he could see my cause for concern. I went outside and found his in the shed talking to a mate about cricket (that he was due to be playing that day) and said I needed to see him. We didn't want anyone to know when we went into labour so obviously I didn't say anything - well, at that stage I had no idea I was even IN the early stages of labour!!
Once he came inside and saw the blood, he kicked up a gear and ran around loading my bag and his bag into the car in the event that we'd need them. We drove down to the hospital and got to the mid ward.
They popped me in a ward bed where I would wait for about 40 min for the OB to come and do an internal. Dr W came and she suggested that I was having a show but couldn't figure out why it was so heavy. She then did a stretch and sweep after determining that I was infact 3cm dilated.
Well..... THAT s&s REALLY got the blood flowing and I was passing large clots and lots and lots of blood. Because of this, they decided not to let me go home and wait for things to progress. My BH (well I thought they were BH but it turns out they were early contractions) were still 6 min apart and were strong but bearable. They thought at this stage that I'd progress fairly quickly and they weren't busy so they actually moved me up to one of the three birthing suites. They put me on a monitor and contractions were STILL 6 min apart and bubs HR was around the 150-160 mark. Then the waiting game REALLY started.....
Nothing progressed for the rest of the day! Lots of bleeding (the midwives came to the loo with me every time I went to check my blood loss - that was embarrassing!) and the contractions remained 6 min apart all day. In the afternoon they told me and DP to get out and about and walk around. They suggested to go for a drive and get a coffee and come back about 6pm for a check. We did this but driving around was awful cause I'd get a contraction and the movement of the car made it feel a thoudsand times worse! Then we went into gloria jeans to get a coffee and having contractions like that in public was awfully embarrassing! I just wanted to sit back in the car!
We went back to the hospital and nothing had progressed any further!!! Argh!! They checked me over again on the monitor and once they'd done that, they said we could go out for tea (as if I felt like that!!) but we did and I suffered through the contractions during my dinner!! We went to a local pub bistro that we knew probably wouldn't be that busy cause we were both in trackies and after a full day of labour, I felt less than glamorous!
We went back to the hospital about 9pm and my contractions weren't getting any closer but certainly getting much more painful. I was able to breathe through them and by the middle of the night I'd given in and taken panadeine forte to help me get some kind of sleep. We slept the night in the birthing suite - when I say we slept, we might have had 3 hours all up because I spent half the time rolling around on a fitball and chatting to the various midwives that came for visits.
Sunday was much the same, still only 3cm dilated and contractions still 6 min apart. Still lots of blood loss....
In the arvo they moved me out of the birthing suite into a ward bed cause they had some women coming in to give birth and so I got the arse!
Sunday night my contractions amped up a level again and whilst still 6 minutes apart, became more and more painful. Panadeine forte was my only escape and I slept about 3 hours for the night again. I hated it sunday night cause DP had to go as they don't let partners sleep in the ward (they can stay in the birthing suites though) and I was worried I'd go into serious labour without him with me!
Anyway at about 5:50am on the Monday morning (the 22nd of Nov) I got what I consider (in hindsight) a REAL, fair dinkum, blow ya mind contraction and it last about the same time as the others but then the next came in 4 minutes, then again at 4 min. And so they began getting closer! I was moved back up to the birthing suite and prepped for delivery! I frantically rang DP and he shot straight back to the hospital (he'd stayed the night in town at his sisters) and was there in about 15 min. After an internal, they said I was 4cm dilated and contractions were now 3 min apart. They had said on the sunday that if labour hadn't progressed on it's own, they would induce me, but my body beat them to it!
Dr Nick came in (he's by far my fave OB) and broke my waters (which is still probably the weirdest feeling!!) and water gushed everywhere. I was up on the bed reclining on my back which was the position I really didn't plan on being in, but for some reason felt like the most comfy and appropriate at the time. Contractions after my waters broke were 2 min apart and I quickly went to about 6cm dilated. I was able to continue to breathe through the contractions this whole time without anything more than panadeine forte. But then oh my god.... the back pain started and I should have known how things would go once this started. I could FEEL from the bubs movement inside me that she was posterior but it didn't seem to be much of a concern from anyone else's point of view.
The back pain was something I can't describe and actually made breathing through the contractions almost impossible. Breathing through a contraction needs you to focus on something, anything...... just something to get your mind away from the pain. I thought the whole breathing thing was a crock of shit but I can't tell you how much it helped me! Anyway, the back pain clouded my mind and made the focus nearly impossible. By this point I was 7cm and I was still calm and had a sense of humour but requested an epidural. I had heat packs etc but the pain was excruciating!!!
The anaesthetist took FOREVER to get to me - being a monday they have more surgeries scheduled and being a country hosptial, they aren't overflowing with staff! He FINALLY got there and I only JUST made it in time for the epidural. If I'd been any further dilated they wouldn't have given me one.
The pain was awful but again I just breathed through it. His first go, he got it in a blood vessel (so he said) and pulled it out to try again. A bit of anaesthetic must have gone in though and next thing I know, half my right hand went dead and my two outside fingers curled up like a manky hand and it stayed like that until Monday night!!! It was a weird feeling!!! Took my mind off things though!!
The second attempt was much more successful! Once the back pain subsided I Could get back into the business of focussing. I wasn't supposed to be able to feel anything really, but the midwives and the OB suggested that because I could still move my legs a bit, that I try and turn over and lean over the back of the bed. Oh, by this stage I was fully dilated and pushing was to begin. I pushed and pushed and pushing but to no avail. Like a rag doll and with the help of the 2 midwives and OB, I was able to turn over on the bed and lean over the raised back to get gravity on my side. This did nothing either!!!! Bub wasn't really moving down! They could see the forehead!!! She was posterior and brow presenting so trying to come face first!!!! No bub, that's not right!!! They put me back on my back and then a steady flow of various docs came in to investigate. Mine and bub's HR were both great so they allowed me to continue to push. I REALLY didn't want a c section unless it was for bubs safety. By this stage I'd been pushing for about 3 hours. It was then that they suggested I'd have to go down to theatre and have a c section. I started to cry and cry like a little baby! I just couldn't understand why I couldn't push her out. Anyway, the forms came for me to sign for surgery - which I did begrudgingly - and then a heap of people came from no where. Rolling me onto boards to transfer me to another bed, people checking my fingernails for polish and fingers for rings etc. Asking me ifI was allergic to anything..... the whole time I was blubbering and telling DP I really didn't want a  csection and I wanted to keep pushing!!! There were about 8 people other than DP and I in the birthing suite and all the commotion really upset me and I started to cry and could not be consoled by anyone!!
They started to wheel me down to theatre and every time I got a contraction I would just push until I thought my lungs would pop out of my arse!!!  They were every minute at this stage so the pushing continued all the way down to theatre. People would talk to me but I'd just ignore them, zone out and push like I was trying to turn myself inside out!!! We got into the little room that leads into theatre and the anaesthetist was back, loading me up with more drugs to numb me completely. But I was still getting contractions, and so I kept pushing like a woman possessed!!!!
They'd attached a little HR monitor to bubs forehead earlier and the OB's were watching me in this little room prior to theatre and were amazed that it actually seemed to be making its way down the birth canal!
They decided at this stage that if I could keep pushing like I was and that bubs HR remained as good as it was (it was still around 110) then they would try and turn bub and use a vacuum extraction. I was thrilled and got a new rush of determination!!!! The contractions kept coming and I just kept pushing - so hard I'd lift my whole back off the bed and double myself over just like you see in the movies!!!
They wheeled me into theatre and popped me over onto another bed. They put my legs up in these stirrups that velcro your calves in and yet more drugs were administered by the anaesthetist!! By this stage I couldn't feel really anything and they put a screen up so I couldn't see down past my chest. DP had gone MIA between the birthing suite and theatre and I started to panic when I couldn't see him! He'd gone off to "smurf up" (as he put it) and next thing I knew he returned to my side, dressed in blue theatre garb and a pink paper hat and pink paper booties!! That made me smile!!!
Next thing I know they're telling me to keep pushing so I'm back into it, hoping that I was being helpful but not being able to feel my efforts anymore due to the new drugs! I was then pushed and pulled and jostled around on the bed - DP reckons I was sliding up and downthe bed anywhere between 6-12 inches as they were trying to turn bub. His eyes were as big as pie plates, in complete disbelief at how rough things had become!!!! Then a lovely midwife popped her head over the screen and said "they've turned it!!" and this gave me renewed hope! I pushed and pushed and pushed and DP tells me at this stage that nearly another hour and a half had passed! Everything seemed to have happened so quickly, but you really have no concept of time during delivery!!! They kept telling me when to push and I'd keep pushing and I kept asking if anything was happening (causeI still couldn't see) but everyone just kep saying I was doing a great job and to keep going if I could, but I didn't know WHAT exactly was happening. Next thing I know that nice midwife stuck her head back over the screen and said "it's heads out!!" and I say, "Is it??!?!!?" and I keep pushing like mad!!!! Then she's gone back over again and DP squeezes my hand tighter!!!
Once I knew the head was out I knew it was only a matter of time! I think it might have been 2 more pushes and they pulled the screen down and next thing I know my baby is plonked up on my stomach and I'm in complete shock!!!! My baby looked like a rabbit, freshly skinned!! All pink and slimy but OH SO GORGEOUS!!!!!! Then they take bub away to a table over on the other side of the room and I don't know what the hell is going on!! I tell DP to go and see what's happening and to see what it is, but he says, "no there's 6 people over there, I'll just be in the way!!" and after about 7 or 8 minutes I tell DP to go over and see what we had. I knew but he didn't!  He went over then came rushing back and said, "Did you think it was a girl???" and I nodded and he said, "yeah, cause that's what we had!!!" his eyes overflowing again with tears!!!!! Tears of complete happiness, relief, pride!!! It turned out, they'd taken her away from me because she wasn't breathing. It took them some time to revive her but they said that they weren't super concerned because he HR was still good, she just might not have been breathing because she was exhausted.

Ooooh, visitors have just arrived!!! Bugger! Back soon for part II!!!!!

Too much for one post

Well, far too much has happened since last post to wrote it all on my iPhone!! But tonight is my last night in hospital and I can't explain how much I'm hanging to get home! Am sleeping in a room with a feral from timboon and she's doing my head in! I've literally had maybe 3 hours total sleep since bub arrived and I'm wrecked!! Anyway, maybe if I wrote what I did today and the next post can catch up to this?? Bit Irish!!

Today we discovered Bub is mildly jaundiced but not enough to put under lights, which was essentially the reason we are allowed to leave tomorrow.
My episiotomy site is healing well. My bleeding has all but stopped (rlt maybe helping there??) and my milk came in tonight at the last feed which was 10:30 (so about 40min ago). Don't think poor bubba new what to do with it all cause she's normally ploughing away for half am hour on each boob dragging the colostrum out but this time you could literally hear the milk glugging down into her tummy!! And POO!!!!! Boy, this baby's bowels are well and truly working!! Tonight when I was changing her nappy after the milk feed, it was pouring out of her! Kinda like those little plastic play doh machines you squeeze down and makes a snakey shape out the other side! I just kept wiping and wiping!!! Hahaha!!! But it's goodfor her, get all the meconium out! Next will come those watery milk poos!!! Hee hee!!!
Bub also had a blood test from the back of her hand (NST was it??) and that was awful to watch how far they stick the needle in her hand but they fed her sugar water whilst doing it and she didn't even murmur, just lapped up the sugar!!! Atta girl!!
Well, that's all I've got the energy to really write tonight but before I go just wanted to apologize cause I haven't had a chance to get into swb group and I feel awful for being such a snob!!! So a bit hello to all my fave ladies out there, and the few that aren't in swb too!!!! You know who you are!!!! Big hugs to you all and I will be in touch shortly!!!!

Goodnight (pray I get some sleep tonight an don't have to listen to the snoring bandit too much!!)


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Location:Hospital bed (for the last night!!)

Exhausted!!

Well it's 2:58am on monday the 22nd of November and I'm sitting up in my bed cause my right side is completely dead after laying on it since about 8:30pm!!! Dead leg, Aaaargh!! But in saying that, I've pretty much slept through (breathing through much less painful contractions) thanks to some panadeine and my first shot of pethidine since about 11pm and wow it's done me the world of good! Would still like to sleep some more if possible but had to go to the loo, have a water etc.
So bib hasn't arrived of it's own accord so looks to be induction time for me in the morning. I REALLY didn't want to be induced, but after bleeding quite heavily since sat morning and contractions that are getting stronger but not closer together, they won't leave it to continue and end up stressing bub etc.
So ob said last night that this morning they will break my waters, pop a drip in with syntocin and I'm going to opt for an epidural which they will also administer at that time. This should all happen first thing from about 7-7:30am bit it will also depend on who else has condom overnight and the availability of birthing suites.... It may mean a later start if they're all full!!

A big hello to my swb gals!! Not snobbing you, just struggle to get in via this iPhone!! Will be back shortly for a chat!!

Also sorry to GS who I was texting last night and very rudely fell asleep!! Sorry!!!! Xxxx

Well, will write again later.... Possibly as a mum! Eeeeeeeek!!!!!!!


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Location:Ward bed, hospital

Coming up 24 hours

So it's 9:30am and in about half an hour I will have clocked 24hours since this all started!! Feel like I've been awake for a week and run three marathons but still in good spirits!
The head ob on duty just popped in and said they were going to break my waters and also offered my an epi. Haven't taken up the offer yet but considering it cause my body is fairly fatigued.... Will keep contemplating it. To date have only had panadeine forte and going good breathing through the contractions. Writing this between said contractions and also trying to have something to eat. Dp has gone to get himself some maccas brekky and have a shower at his sisters. Hope he is back soon, I'm a bit nervous without him, he has been fantastic!!! Even if he did sleep about 6 hours last night!!!!! Hahaha

My brekky I'm trying to eat....



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Still going... Driving me mad now!

A pic of my view.... 6:30am







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Happenings!

So am in hospital after being admitted from bleeding this morning... Stretch and sweep done and am 3cm dilated! Staying in hospital overnight so just a matter of time now!! Eeeeek!!! Not telling anyone else IRL though so they all get a surprise!


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Location:Hospital

UTI

So, went to the docs yesterday (gp AND ob!!) and turns out I have a UTI. Apparently bub is pushing so firmly on the bladder that not every drop of urine is able to get out! So she put me on antibiotics and today I feel a million times better!!

OB visit (Dr VW this time) went great. BP is 110/60 and bub heartrate was 148 bpm and head still firmly engaged. She didn't bother doing an internal cause she said that it's just a waiting game and they would wait until next week to worry about how long to go!
My fundal height was still only 35cm so 4 weeks behind now but she checked fluid levels etc and said it was so far behind cause the muscles were tight and keeping it fairly well contained. She seemed to think if anything it might get smaller as bub gets further down.

OB poked around a bit trying to get a good pic of bubs face on the ultrasound and this is what she came up with! It's face is all squished up cause of it's position in the pelvis but am thrilled cause I didn't think I'd get anything like this!

Hmmmm...

So just went to the loo and there was a spot of blood.... Not very much but enough to notice.... Not going reading into things again but makes me wonder if things might be starting. Have had lots of bh this morning and a very heavy feeling in the lowest part of my tummy with pain that feels like period pain but it's just constant, not coming and going like cramps. Obviously not in labour but hoping this is my body gearing up for the big day!!! Lol


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Location:At home

2nd last assignment

So, really meant to ensure I had finished my nutrition course by the time bub came along but don't think it's gunna happen!! Am sitting at the dining table (on my fitball of course to help with engagement and baby position!!) doing my second last assignment. Seven questions to go and I'm off to pop in the mail!!!







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Quiet on the home front...

Well so bored today!!! Weather is shit again and the housework is all done and dp is working so Brit much to do!!

Just gave my new easytone shoes another go on the treadmill for something to pass the time! Thought I'd take a pic of myself, fresh off the tready, iPod in and about to go and sort out a roast for tea (not my choice as the smell of the meat still doesn't sit well with me!!!). Am hoping the walking will get things moving.... Just makes my pubic bone feel like it's gunna split in two!!!
So here I am, 3 days into my 39th week....






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A couple of tips...

For those entering the word of pregnancy or are already in it...... here are my top 3 tips that have helped me out!

1 - BIO OIL!!!! Can't recommend it highly enough!!!!! Lather yourself in it at least twice a day!!!!!

2- Exercise as much as you feel you can (with approval from your doc) and your body will tell you when you've reached your limits.

3 - Buy a PTM Neo Nat Maternity Support band from http://www.sportstek.net/prices/search.php This has saved my back and also helped my stomach muscles on days when I feel like I'm going to split my abs!!!! Just a bit of extra support and probably the best investment I've made throughout the entire pregnancy!!!!

Walkies

Well still pottering around and not really doing anything exciting!!

Today I felt quite good. Am certain bub has moved down a bit cause I can breathe almost normally now and I am not as uncomfortable as I was even a day or so ago. Then again, could just be having a good day!!

Did all the washing, cleaned the bathrooms (the bath was a bot of challenge but got there in the end), vacuumed and mopped the floors, baked a chocolate cake (not as good yours nani!!), made a stir fry for tea which was actually really nice and walked on the treadmill. Bought two new pairs of joggers last week online from America (love parity with the greenback) and they arrived yesterday. One pair of normal asics cause I go through a pair every six months, and a pair of easytone shoes by reebok. Wanted to try these new shoes with the slight instability on the bottom cause apparently they work your bum, hamstrings and calves about 25% more than wearing normal shoes and figured I'd be doing a fair bit of walking when bub comes along! So gave them a test run on the tready this arvo. Walked 2.4km and they were great!! Didn't find them harder as such to walk in bit noticed my bum muscles working harder, that's for sure!!!! Thanks heaps to superstarrr for the heads up with the website!!



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Congrats!!!

So the first of the swb girls popped yesterday!!!! Both on the same day!!!!!
One via emergency c section and the other naturally. Don't really have much else in the way of details bit I just wanted to say a huuuuuuuuge congrats and well done to both kimnus and lambchops!!!! So proud of both you guys!!
Now the arrangement is for these first two ladies to pass on their batons to the other two ttcers and I intend to pass my metaphorical baton onto summa and then we should have it covered!!!! ; D

Still getting lots of bh and the period like pain is getting stronger as well. Have a constant backache but it's not very low so am thinking it's just pregnancy backache!!!
I just read superstarrr's blog and she mentioned how much late pregnancy discharge amps up.... I can second that!!! Sorry tmi I know, but it's very watery like you can get around o time but seriously some days there is shitloads!!!! Lol!! The thing is, when you're not far off giving birth, you can't help but wonder if it's amniotic fluid. The books all say it smells like semen but I'm hardly gunna go around sniffing it!!!! All I can go off is past experience and I do remember just how painful contractions are so am sure I won't miss them when they start!!!


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Location:The couch

Reading into things...

So... I think with pregnancy (as was the case with ttc) you can go insane reading into 'symptoms' and possible signs that things are about to happen!!!
Not sure what the go was last night! Was I having a prelabour evacuation?? Was I sick with a tummy bug?? Did I eat something that didn't agree with me?? Who knows?? But when I got back into bed I laid there for nearly an hour and a half with constant Braxton hicks, about every six min or so. They dost get stronger or closer together and I had no waters breaking or anything, and then about 4:50am they just stopped!! So figured I may as well go to sleep and wait for somethingto happen.... If it was!! So now I'm laying here in bed still being lazy before I have to get up and do some chores!
Would REALLY love to prove Nani right!!!! : p

Good luck to kimnus today!!!! Waiting foe the big announcement!!!


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Location:Bed

Uh oh....

So am sitting here on the floor o the bathroom as I'm having to go to the loo about every five minutes with the runs..... Not fun or pleasant!!! Am wondering if it's something I've eaten or that bout of pre baby diarrhea you get?!?! Probably reading too much into today's ob appt!!!! But haven't eaten any take away or anything I can think of that would have been remotely off in the past 24 hours.... Just have to wait and see!!!


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Location:The bathroom

38 week ob appt

Just a quick one!! Been to see Dr AW today for my check up. Did my group b strep swab and checked BP etc. BP has normalized back to 110/70 which is fantastic!!
Bub heartrate was about 150 bpm and on the scan you could see plenty of movement although now I can't feel it as much as I used to! Mostly feet but not much wriggling of hands and body. Dr A said this was because bubs head is ENGAGED and gave me a pelvic position (? Need to google this as not 100% on exacty what that means) of +3 so he seemed to think I wouldn't go full term!! Far out, it really COULD happen at any time!!!!
Anyway, fluid levels were perfect and they only checked that because my fundal height only measured 35 weeks. He said it wasn't a concern cause bub was fine on the scan and fluid was normal, he just said I really WAS "all baby"!!
Anyway, just wanted to get all this down before I forgot!!


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Location:In the car

Everyone's popping! (or about to!!)

As the name of this title suggests, it's hard not to know or be told third hand about someone who is having/has just had a baby!!!
Of course there are the lovely SWB girls who have either reached D-Day or are fast approaching.....
I had to ring work just before and the lady I was talking to was telling me her daughter in law had her baby this morning (12 days over!!) a little boy. Also another girl in that office had a baby on Friday and she was due two days before me - a little girl.
My friend L had her baby yesterday and she was due three days after me. A little boy who weighed 5lb9oz. Just a cute little one! I only saw her last week at the OB. She'd had to finished up work the week earlier than she'd planned to due to high blood pressure. Initially I thought maybe they'd induced her due to this fact, but it was all natural with L waking in the early hours of yesterday in a wet patch after her waters broke. He little man came into the world just before lunchtime.
I'm so happy to hear all this good news and it's all so exciting! Boy, it DOES make you a little nervous though, knowing that it really COULD happen now at any time!!!
Got my next OB appt on Wednesday and I'm interested to see what is said about bub's position etc. I'm not expecting much in the way of exciting news but an update will be nice.
I checked my cervix again this morning (the second time in about a week I think!!) even though I don't think you're supposed to (but I DID  clean hands thoroughly) and couldn't even reach it!!! I think that means nothing is close to happening yet?? According the books I've read, as labour approaches the cervix gets low and soft but I think when you can't reach it, that means it could be a while off yet. Although, according to What to Expect when You're Expecting, you may not be able to feel it one day and then go into labour the next day! So I'm not putting too much stock in it! Just curious......
Still loads of braxton hicks and continuing to get stronger. Not much else to write home about though. Definitely don't think I'm as high as what I was cause I'm not as full when I eat etc.
No stretch marks yet either but don't want to mention that again cause I'll jinx myself.....
Still taking the raspberry leaf tablets each day and also on the Bio Iron and my normal blackmores pregnancy tablets. Still craving ice to a certain degree but noticably less!
Well, gotta go and get some washing off the line so I at least feel like I'm doing something for the day!!! : D

Tricked me!

So after yesterdays blog outlining nothing exciting about possible "prelabour" signs, I was laying in bed last night (DP was at cricket training) and I got some wicked braxton hicks. I rolled over so I could see the alarm clock (just out of curiousity) and to my disbelief they were coming at exactly 6 minutes apart!! They  continued like this for about another 10 times - by this time DP was home and he was watching the clock with me. I didn't suspect anything really though cause they weren't increasing in intensity and they weren't super painful or anything..... it was just the precise timing that had me wondering...... BUT as with all tricks that mother nature plays on us, they soon stopped and by about 1:15am I was ready to admit to myself that indeed nothing was going to happen and to let myself get some rest!
Wonder how many times I'm going to scare myself like that!!!!! I might end up the girl who cried braxton hicks!!! hahaha!!!!

I MADE IT!!! I MADE IT!!!!

I MADE IT to full term and there isn't a happier or more relieve and gobsmacked person on the planet right now I don't think?!?!!? Well..... that's an unreasonable statement but you get the pciture!!!!! Today marks 37 weeks, the start of my 38th week and seriously....... I'm so excited I could cry!!!!!
Am so excited for all the girls who are about to pop! I keep checking my phone to see if I've gotten text messages from Lambchops or Kimnus and keep hoping each day will bring exciting news!!!!
Not long now!!!!

Have been away finalising stuff for our holiday house and DP and I are both knackered but thrilled with how it's turned out. It's nothing flash but it's ours and you gotta start somewhere right??

Braxton Hicks have been quite regular now. Probably getting about 2 or 3 an hour and they are more intense and lasting longer but far from regular or anything like that. They are more like period pain now and this morning I had one that woke me at 6am. Started like period pain then moved more to the back and felt like I had bad gastro cramps. I got up to go to the loo (just a wee, sorry TMI!!) and it passed so I guess they're just getting to that serious practice point now! My guess is that it's good and will help the uterus when game day arrives!! Not really got much else happening PG wise. Am tight as a drum in my tummy and I was reading last night that bub still puts on weight at  the moment but shouldn't really grow much in size and weight gain will slow up considerably. That's kinda good to be honest cause it feels like it's got no where else to go!!! Boobs feel "normal" and I've had no spotting or signs of bleeding or anything like that. Haven't really dropped in any way either but my OB said that because this isn't my first "child" or birth, that subsequent pregnancies often don't drop until the last minute so it may not happen until right before labour?!?! It's really just a wait and see thing at the moment. Have had two strong braxton hicks just whilst typing this post!!

Well, I'm off to make a cake for DP's lunches (he's gotta work tomorrow and Saturday and I'll probably eat the rest of it!!) and sort out tea.

See  you soon for the next post!!! :  D

Start of the 37th week....

Wowsers! Isn't that just the most exciting thought?!?!

So today marks the beginning of my 37th week and by the end of this week bub will be full term. Can't believe it - it's amazing, a miracle and I am more grateful than anyone could know with each passing day. Somehow it feels like I've been allowed to come out of my cautious, paranoid state that I've lived in for the past 12 years since losing the girls.
Went to see my OB yesterday for my regular check up..... she had finally received the records from Sydney from my past. Most of it from Bankstown or Liverpool Hospitals. Its not until you have these things brought up again that you realise what you've pushed below the surface to save your own sanity. Including the twins, I'd had a total of 5 miscarriages by the time I was 26. And I'd had two since being with DP. Boy, no wonder my subconscious wouldn't let me relax this whole time.... but the OB was thrilled with how things were going and looking forward, that's all that matters.

Dr VW was happy that my BP seems to have stabilisied a little with it 95/60 yesterday. I definitely feel heaps better this past couple of weeks in that regard. My fundal height was 34 but she wasn't concerned it was a little under cause she said my tummy is very tight and this is having some impact on the size overall. Checked bub on the ultrasound and listened to the heartbeat - all perfect! At the 34 week scan, bub was 2174g and yesterday she predicted is was approx six and a half pounds. Her prediction is for a bub around the late 7's to early 8 pound mark. That would be lovely!
Bub is head down with it's back along my right side and bum up under my right ribs still and feet digging around over on my left side. It's been like that for ages so can't see much change! It's not engaged yet though, so will just keep waiting!
Oh, and explained to my OB that I'd had a crazy woman craving for ice cubes for the past month or so, thinking she'd think I was an idiot! She laughed and said it was the CLASSIC symptom of iron deficiency (no one knows why you crave ice cubes though) and has put my on Bio Iron by blackmores (apparently that one doesn't make you constipated) and she thinks my cravings should subside in another couple of days! Save my teeth anyway!


Had my last official day at work yesterday, but today I had a hair appointment and ended up in the office again for the arvo tidying up a few loose ends and clearing out the rest of my desk etc. So FINALLY done and dusted!! And let me tell you, it feels awesome!

Well, am exhausted after a busy day running around like a mad thing so until next time...... toodle pip!!

p.s Happy Birthday Summa!!!! Hope you've had a wonderful day!! : D

Last week of work!

Now that IS an exciting post title!!! So I wasn't so bummed about today being Monday for once..... seeing as this is my last Monday before maternity leave!!!! And working only three days a week, my last day is Wednesday!!!! I CANNOT believe it!!! I've been sooooo busy in the weeks leading up until now and I think I have most bases covered, so now I'm slipping blissfully into holiday mode - whether I like it or not!!!
Very glad as I'm sick of travelling and a bit sick of sitting cramped up at my desk all day! Not the most favourable position to be in at this stage of pregnancy. But I'm not complaining, I have it better than alot of people in the workplace and I'm making the most of it!

Am off for a lunch with my old department tomorrow so that will be lovely! And then Wednesday my current department are taking me to lunch as well, so I dare say they will both be long stints out of the office!! We've been running a bit of a spreadsheet too, trying to guess the sex of the bub, date of birth, weight, length etc and things like that make the whole experience so much more exciting!!! Can hardly believe there is all this fuss!!!For so many years I've enjoyed doing it for other people, and now here I am getting to do it for my own little monkey! I love it!!!

Good news, my other little embarrssing pregnancy symptom from my last post is all completely sorted and I'm good as gold again!! Thank the lord for caring pharmacists!!! hee hee!!!

My only "complaint" currently is groin pain which seems to be much worse when I've done my nightly walk. It's kind like somone is pulling at my adductor muscles and standing on my pubic bone all at the same time. It's bearable but contributes to this stupid penguin waddle!!! hahaha!!! I guess it's just that things where the ligaments loosen and your pelvis is preparing for birth! Hope it's not too far away now!! Start my 37th week on Thursday and so that's probably the ultimate milestone for me and I'm sooooooo happy I can't even explain it! Getting very regular Braxton hicks now too..... pretty much every day. Some are hardly noticable really but some are getting quite strong and certainly uncomfortable! Good practice hopefully!!!
Am still taking red raspberry leaf tablets every day and I read on BH in the November due thread that alot of women are taking EPO again. Some even putting capsules inside them up near their cervix. I had started taking some again as of the weekend but only orally!!! hahaha!!! Apparently it can help with softening the cervix and seeing as I had some leftover from TTC days, I figured it couldn't hurt to take them until they run out!

Well, gotta run as my day is about over! 2 days left! YEAH!!!! : D

18 October 2010 6:17 PM

Oh, so close!

Well..... can still hardly believe I've got less than 5 weeks to go now!

Things have settled down a fair bit the past two weeks which has been a welcome relief!! Blood pressure stabilised mostly now at around 90/50 or 90/60 which is much better than what it was. Have only had one fainting "episode" since last at the docs so that's great too! Been wearing those gorgeous compression stockings (got skin coloured ones but they're pretty much as ugly as the white ones!) and I think they're helping a fair bit. Thankfully the weather down here has mostly been cool still so able to wear them to work.

As of today (when today ends) I have three days of work left. Blows me away to think that's it for all that time!!! I kinda hope bub goes a week early or so, so that I'm not home for weeks. I've done all the washing of baby clothes, blankets etc, made up the cot, and got pretty much everything in order. Still can't put the rest of the nursery furnishings up cause no one knows still what I'm having. Wonder if I could put a lock on the door...... heh heh..... not likely!

Getting MUCH tighter in the tummy now. The past three days I've had a stitch-like pain on my right hand side. Feels like my abs are gunna tear in two. Noticably heavier when I walk too, and still quite breathless.
Been walking on the treadmill most nights which has been great, and funnily enough I'm not as tight or sore when I'm finished my walk. It's now just gettting harder and harder to get motivated to get on there in the first place!

Still eating VERY small meals cause I'm full all the time. Mostly I just crave ice cubes.... apparently it's the most common non-food craving during pregnancy! There is some contention over that term non-food from what I read on the net. Apparently according to most websites it sits in the category of "pica" (literal translation is magpie) but lots of people say because it's water, that's it's technically a food item and pica refers to craving things like chalk, dirt, clay etc..... oh well, it's better than the greasy sausage roll "cravings" I had at the start of the pregnancy!! The only bad thing is it can be potentially bad for your teeth, all that crunching! And I'm easily able to indulge this craving all day, every day at this place where I work as we have a training restaurant here which has an ice making machine in the cellar, and I have a key!! At least I'm keeping up plenty of fluids!

Oh, and one other pregnancy side effect I've developed in the past week...... STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TMI!!!!!!!!

I'm awfully embarrassed to admit it but I've now developed small but still very painful "bout" (?) of haemorrhoids ..... god, why must women go through this kind of crap to get to such a wonderful prize at the end?!?!?! Hobbled to the chemist yesterday and had a chat to the pharmacist there. She was lovely and we had a bit of a laugh about it! I asked her if they will continue after pregnancy and she said whilst there will now always be a bit of a weakspot there and potential for it to flare up again, that they are easily managed and should only reoccur on rare occasions! Anyway, as embarrassed as I was to be going through this, she said it was extremely common in later pregnancy and gave me stuff called proctosedyl and today it's all but gone and I feel normal again!!! I guess it pays to swallow ones pride and ask the question!!! Oh, but she did warn me that it will probably flare up again during labour but to keep that cream handy! Yeah, can't wait for that one!!! Nice to know it'll all be on show for the world to see too!!! Can't believe I've even put this in a blog, but figured that the women reading this will firstly have a bit of a horrified giggle and then hopefully feel some form of compassion!!!! hahahaha!!!!!!

Well, on that note I've got to head off to do some work which is a bit of a PAIN IN THE ARSE....... hee hee!!! But will be back shortly to update some more! Trying not to leave it so long between updates!

Oh, before I go......

* A huge congrats to Lambchops on her wedding on the weekend!! Well done!!! Am so happy for you and DH!!!! (no more DP)
* Big hugs and get well wishes to GS..... you poor bugger. You've had an awful run since getting your BFP.... I hope you feel better very, very soon xx


More updates for the other girls shortly!!!!!

xxx

Scan day

So went to SJOG hospital today for my 34 week scan. And let me say it was nothing short of mind blowing!!! The most amazing thing I have seen to date....
It was pretty much your standard scan to check the position of my placenta (even though the ob said it had moved a while back they just wanted to confirm it's position). Anyway, placenta was confirmed completely clear of my cervix which was nice to see and gave me that extra piece of mind.
Then the sonographer proceeded to check other bits and pieces... Heart beat - that little thing pounding away beautifully, kidneys, bladder, stomach, head circumference, length of one of the femurs, and all was perfect. They estimated bub to be approximate five and a half pounds or so and about 46cm long!! It's really not very far off it's birth stats I guess! They say they grow about 1cm per week from now until birth, so if that's correct then bub should be born about 51cm long (at term anyway) and my guess for weight is somewhere between seven and a half pounds and eight pound two.
So then we just checked out features of bub. Wow, the scans are amazing at this many weeks gestation... It's not so skinny now so you could see it's chubby little cheeks and it's full little Cupid bow lips and button nose. Parents are Always biased but it was hard not to think how gorgeous it looked!!! It yawned and stuck it's tongue out and then started sucking on it's fingers!! And then something that took my amazement to a whole new level.... Bub appeared to open it's eyes!!!! We could actually see the eyes moving around!! It was only for about three seconds but enough to seriously blow mine and dp completely away!!! My student midwife was also there at the scan and she said she'd never seen that before!!
We tried for ages to get pics on 3D but it was too hard. Apparently they are better done earlier in pregnancy but at this point they are just too hard to see anything clearly. Of course I was a bit disappointed but to be honest, the 2D ones at this late in the pregnancy and so clear anyway!!
Nearly fainted on the table about half way through so hadto turn on my side and have a glass of water but then I got the sonographer to tilt the table up a bit and I was fine again!
Well, off for a shower now. Will add pics tomorrow when I figure out how to get them off the disc!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:My lounge

Test from my iPhone

Well, it's been such a long time since I've blogged and it seems so much has happened!!!
I have just downloaded blogpress on my iPhone so thought I'd do a quick test and hence a quick update...

In my 34th week now and can't believe that we are nearing d day so quickly. Feeling a huge mix of emotions about this to be honest... Relief, terror, excitement, anxiety, elation... Back to feeling a little overwhelmed but doing my best to keep things in perspective and keep a lid on it for now! :)

Been in hospital not last week but the week before due to low blood pressure. They were worried it might have been related to my heart and this was also causing the fainting. So went in for three ecg's and had to spend a night in acute care with cardiac telemetry monitor on me which was an interesting experience to say the least. I was the youngest by 52 years according to a nurse that was up for a chat at 1am whilst doing my obs!
Anyway, heart was all good but it turned out my thyroid hormone levels were low so the ob has put me on 50mcg of thyroxine a day and I had a blood test last Thursday which was checking my thyroid function again and also checking for thyroid antibodies. I'm hoping there are no antibodies as if that's the case the I may have hypothyroidism and be on medication long term. If none are found, it's most likely that once bub is born I won't need to continue the thyroid medication. My mum and two of her sisters have both had thyroid problems, with mums two sisters having hashimotos disease. My nana has graves disease which is essentially hyperthyroidism but a thyroid problem all the same, so I guess given genetics, it's very possible this could be long term... Won't know blood results until Wednesday and oh well, if it's bad then at least it has been picked up and can easily be managed.

On a positive note, got my 34 week scan tomorrow morning. My student midwife is attending and so is dp. Having it at a different imagine place this time that does 3d so can't wait to see the little spider monkey! Can easily tell which way it's lying lately.... It's toes are constantly wedged under my ribs!!

Anyway, will update more once I've had my scan tomorrow!! Plus hopefully post a pic or two!!

P.s bub stillgets the hiccups about three or four times a day!! I keep hearing that's a sign of a healthy baby! Hope that's true!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Great idea fellow bloggers!

I thought this was a great idea when I read it on a couple of blogs today. I worry sometimes I get so caught up in the pregnancy that poor DP misses out..... so this is a good way to make a bit of an acknowledgement!! (sorry for copying!!)

1. When is your “engagement” anniversary:


Well DP and I aren't married yet so will put the date we met for this..... 27th February 2004 (my birthday!)

2. When is your “marriage” anniversary:

The date we got together was 13th March 2004!

3. How long have you known your spouse:

Six and a half years

4. How long did you date/court before you were engaged:

we spoke on the phone and sent text messages non stop for the 2 weeks after we met until we hooked up! Does that count?!?!

5. Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?
The Cargo Bar at Dokclands (which doesn't exist anymore I don't think). We were both blind drunk but couldn't keep our eyes off each other! (well, hard to move your eyes far when you're pissed!!)
6. What is your spouse’s full name:

His initials (cause I don't want to give away too much) are TAM

7. Do you have any children:

2 cats (our dog passed away in January.... RIP my boy)

8. How many – boys/girls:

1 boy and 1 girl..... I know the sex of this new one but won't say! Even DP still doesn't know!

9. Do you have any house pets:

Not house pets..... fur babies! But they're not really allowed inside much. Only when we're home and they don't sleep inside either.

10. Do you own a house or rent:

Own 2 actually. And the family trust owns another...... but if we're honest..... we own one and the BANK owns the other two!!! lol!!
11. Do you live in the country or town/city:

Country

12. What is one of your favorite activities together:

Scuba diving, fishing, anything to do with the ocean, going on holidays, snowboarding.

13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot:

Anywhere near the ocean when it's warm and the snow when it's cold!

14. When did you first kiss?

13th March 2004

15. What church do you attend?

We don't
16. Is this the church you were married in:

Probably be married on the beach with no shoes on!! (my dream anyway)

17. What town is your current address at:

A sleepy little town of 1000 people in South West Victoria

18. Do you work or stay at home:

Work

19. Where did you go on your honeymoon:

Haven't been on one yet but we go on a big holiday every year, so that's fine by me!

20. What was the funniest gift you gave when dating?

A flight in a fighter plane..... no, i wasn't trying to make him spew!
21. How long have you been together?

About 6 and a half years

22. How long did you know each other before you started dating?

2 weeks!

23. Who asked who out?

I sent the first text after we met, but he kissed me first and then it kinda went from there! Later he DID send a text (we text alot because we lived 250km apart when we first hooked up) asking if I'd be his girlfriend but it was more being funny!

24. How old are each of you?

Both 31, I'm 20 days older.

25. Where do each of you go to school?

Neither one of us are in school

26. Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

Me living interstate from my family and friends.

27. Did you go to the same school?

Nope, we lived in different states.

28. Are you from the same home town?

Obviously not!

29. Who is smarter?

Academically, probably me I guess. But he has two trades and runs his own business and is much more technically minded than me.

30. Who is more sensitive?

Probably me, but he's much better than he used to be.
31. Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Home, because there aren't many take away places in our town!!!

32. Where is the farthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Europe

33. Who has the craziest exes?

Probably a tie!!

34. Who has the worse temper?

I have a shorter fuse and explode, where he broods and stews on things.

35. Who does the cooking?

Me!

36. Who is more social?

Probably about the same

37. Who is the neat-freak?

ME!!!!!

38. Who is more stubborn?

Me again!!

39. Who hogs the bed?

He does!

40. Who wakes up earlier?

Me on the weekends and him on a weekday cause he lays in bed worrying about his business stuff and what's on for that day etc...

41. Where was your first date?

Tea and then drinks out in Warrnambool

42. Who had more boyfriends/girlfriends?

I think about the same from our discussions....

43. Do you get flowers often?

He has bought me flowers once - for my birthday this year! Oh, and he bought me a chocolate rose when I last got back from a trip to Europe with my Sydney friends! He asked me what I wanted at the airport when I got back and I jokingly said "flowers and chocolates" so he combined the two!!!

44. How do you spend the holidays?

Mostly with his family. Hope to soend next Christmas with my family!

45. Who is more jealous?

Neither of us jealous as such I wouldn't have said..... maybe me if push came to shove!

46. How long did it take to get serious?

Not very long *blushes*

47. Who eats more?

Him! I'm normally about 57kg and he's about 105kg so it goes without saying!

48. Who does the laundry?

Me!

49. Who’s better with the computer?

I am - taught him heaps though so he's quite good now!

50. Leave a piece of advice for the other couples.

Just remember to have fun, be honest with each other and be courteous and use your manners! (some people forget to use manners with their loved ones after a while!!)

Bit of a shift..... for the better!!!!!

God, it feels like an eternity since I've blogged!!!! I've been reading others blogs when I've been able to during annual leave but couldn't get in to update mine! Then this week when I've been back at work I just haven't had a chance! I was going to yesterday but figured I may as well wait until I'd had my OB appointment today and update after that.

Soooooo, Dr B did the usual checks, blood pressure and the like which were all back to normal for me which was great - 100/60. He also went through the results of my GTT (I figured if I hadn't heard anything they must be ok) and they were perfect. Also he'd done a count to check my iron and haemaglobin and both were perfect as well. My cortisol was normal and not elevated this time too which means my kidneys are also working like they should! So all round, when it comes to my health, I'm fit as a fiddle and let me tell you, I couldn't be happier!!
Then Dr B got me to lay down so he could check the fundal height etc and that was spot on also! He said my tummy was very tight and it great condition for giving birth which I thought was a nice thing to say! Made me feel like the million sit ups I've done in my life are finally paying off! Then he went on to say how bub is still only about half grown compared to it's birth size so get ready for the next phase of growth spurt! Eeeek! hahaha!!!
Then he did a scan to check bub was all ok and growing nicely. Bub was laying EXACTLY as I'd told him I thought it was - across my stomach with it's head on my left and it's legs almost up under my right ribs, booting me constantly!!! Cheeky little monkey!!
The shift I was referring to in my blog title though relates back to the fact that Dr B checked out my placenta position and it has now moved completely clear of my cervix and as a result no longer have placenta praevia and don't have to book in for a c-section! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO relieved!!!!!! Sooooo happy and sooooooooo grateful for the good news!!!!!!! I'm off to the gym now to celebrate and maintain my great mood!!! Will write more tomorrow when I have a bit more time!

: D

Third Trimester..... wow!

Well, it's been a long week and a bit and today is technically now my "friday" when it comes to work and that's such a relief! I really do love my job but by the end of the day I've had it!! Just knackered!!
But I'm very relieved and grateful that I have now moved into the third trimester!! How exciting!!!
Thought I'd take stock of changes occuring in myself so when I look back I'll remember things a little more clearly.....

Starting to feel "tight" in my stomach now. My belly button hasn't popped out but I am noticing it's alot flatter than normal! It's not normally very deep anyway. I really don't love "outties" but guess you can't put off the inevitable! Plus everyone says they go back in after bub is born!! lol!

Am now contemplating going up again in bra sizes. Who would've thought?! I started a small B cup and about 17 weeks I went up to a C cup and now I'm thinking about increasing again but will try and wait a couple of weeks and see how things are then. Otherwise I'm going to end up with a whole range of different sizes and probably not wear half of them again!!!!

Bub has been moving HEAPS which is great cause there's nothing more reassuring than feeling that movement. It's a bit quiet this morning and that's unusual given how active it is normally, but I'm sure it's jsut settling into normal sleeping patterns (or so the books say they do about this time).

No stretch marks yet thankfully and am continuing the twice daily ritual of practically bathing myself in as much moisturiser as possible AS WELL AS bio oil on top, and I'm bascially a walking oil slick around my torso, but I'm hoping it does SOME good!!

Not feeling like much tea at night time still. I find I fill up quickly when eating so eat my bigger meals during the day and then only have something light at night so I'm not so uncomfortable at night when I go to bed. I find it helps me sleep better and seem to be less likely to have to get up to go to the loo! I think this week alone I've slept right through 4 nights without loo stops! It's bliss!!

I think that's about it really. Have my first antenatal class next Thursday night which will be great! DP and I are on annual leave from tomorrow, heading over to our rental house to spend two weeks painting it so it's not REALLY a holiday as such but if we can get it done, I'll be so relieved to be able to tick that off the list! So we''ll have to drive back from the house on Wednesday night (3 hours drive) and DP will work on Thursday, then we'll go to the class Thursday night and then we'll drive back to the house on Friday arvo (another 3 hours drive) and stay for the following week. Then when I get back I've only got 24 work days left..... Can hardly believe it when I think about it!

On a positive note just wanted to say a massive congrats to Nani who had a wonderful scan yesterday and got to see bub and a heartbeat and I'm sooooo thrilled for her!!! Stay sticky little one!!
Also, hanging out to have the same wonderful news for GS shortly...... not long now!!! : D
Am hoping Rolz has some good news about BD'ing around O time and hope those awful O pains have subsided and you're feeling better?!?!
And Em, haven't heard from you for a while but am praying your follies are behaving and your injections work and this cycle brings you the luck youso deserve!!!
Summa, I hope you have a wonderful time away in Fiji and you and DP can add positivefuel to the debate over babie's just "happening" when you're relaxed and not thinking about it!!!!
Of course big hugs to all the UTD girls in the gang! Everyone looks so well in their pics and updates and I can't believe how quickly time is flying!
Well, that's it for today and may be a bit MIA whilst we're away painting but will continue to monitor blogs etc when I can!!! Keep well and see you all soon!

: D

Bit Better....

Sooooooo..... have had a better day today, and it all started yesterday arvo. Thank the lord!! DP and I had a really good chat about things yesterday and we both realised how much pressure we're under and how things have taken a toll in our relationship as a consequence.
He runs his own business and is ridiculously busy, his phone never stops and he's on call pretty much 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Plus I work full time (well 4 days a week now as of last week), plus we've not long finished renovating our house, plus we've obviously got this baby coming, plus we just bought a new car, plus we've got to get our new rental place ready for holiday rental by about the end of October and it needs painting (it's 5 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms) and some other bits and pieces done, plus we had to get a whole house full of furniture over there, plus run the house we live in on a day to day basis, plus I've had the flu and just only in the last few weeks come out of the "danger zone" for this pregnancy...... I really think everything just got too much for us and we were taking it out on each other... I know there are people out there with situations waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy harder than ours, but when it's your own situation, that's all you can really personally know. Anyway, in a nutshell we have sorted our shit out, paid off all our debt except the rental property, and are feeling a little better for talking about how we were both feeling.
Plus my flu is going and I'm feeling a little more well equipped for coping!!! And I STILL maintain these bloody hormones made me worse!!! lol!

Anyway, gotta run to yet ANOTHER meeting! Hope all is well and will post again later to give my thanks to some buddies who always cheer me up! : )

ANOTHER bad night.....

So, DP had another ripper night last night. The fighting continued and I spent most of last night awake and crying to myself. Then up again this morning and sat on the floor of the shower for about 20 minutes sobbing again. SURELY pregnancy hormones are contributing to this extreme emotion I'm experiencing?? It's doing my head in..... I'm usre being sick doesn't help either. Anyway, DP came into the shower with me and sat on the floor with me, with his arms around me and just held me and kept saying everything would be ok and although I still felt shit, I somehow just knew it would.
Thanks for the messages of support from my friends. I've never been so emotional as what I have been in the past few days and I'm hoping the worst has past.....

Bad night

Having a shit night. Arguing with DP about a long standing issue between us and I don't have anyone to talk to about it and he won't talk to me about it so I'm sitting here at the kitchen table in tears and can't seem to stop. I'm sick with the flu and I'm over tired from lack of sleep (thanks to the flu) so I can't wait for tonight to be over so I can go to bed and tomorrow is another day. Thanks soooo much to my SWB girls - I have dumped on our homepage and no one can fix this but DP and I, but to be able to unload and get it off my chest is a massive help. Promise the next post will be more intereting, uplifiting, inspiring, etc etc.

Six and a half months!

Well, I'm six and a half months tomorrow actually but I'm in a workshop all day so I'll write about it today!!!
I feel on top of the world now, this is all uncharted territory for me, but I feel stronger and more determined than ever! I guess it helps when you're not constantly weighed down with worry.....

Had my fortnightly OB appointment today. Saw the "head" OB today (who actually owns the clinic), Dr B and he was jsut fantastic. A very thorough, pleasant and caring doctor who seemed to know my full history (he'd done his pre-reading) and was happy to answer questions, provide options and generally was an all round nice guy.
There was a student doc in with him which he was teaching as he did my various observations, which I like cause you seem to get more detail when they are explaining it to someone else. BP was low again and he is sending me for another renal function test due to elevated corisol again, but he didn't seem overly concerned, just checking.
He then did a scan and I got to see bub again - who by the way, now fully looks like a real little chubby cheeked baby! He was even pointing out facial features like the nose and cute little lips! God, I sound like such a soppy mum, but I can't begin to tell you how amazed I am every time I see it. I know I am competely biased but seriously, it looks like a pretty darn cute little thing! I was head down this time instead of its usual breech position, but I could have told Dr B that before the scan as the past 24 hours I have felt bub more than ever! Yesterday at work I had my left hand pressing on top of the fundus and I SWEAR i felt a heel roll across the inside of my fingers!!! It actually felt weird from the outside, so much I pulled away in a bit of shock!! I love it though and wish I could feel that all the time!!
Some tentatively good news....it appears that my placenta has shifted slightly so that now it is only partially covering the cervix and Dr B seemed to think it would well and truly move (although can't guarantee it of course) out of the way by the time of the birth and hopefully eliminating the need for a c section! Fingers crossed!!!! That would be just an extra blessing!!!

I am booked in next Tuesday for the glucose challenge test (as it's called ony my Gribbles slip - I thought it was the glucose tolerance test) which I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to that! But it has to be done and I'm happy to go along and do it. Booked it for next week though as I've just had a bout of gastro and I currently have a sore throat and the onset of a cold! Boy, it's all hit me at once!!! So will also have a full blood count and he will be checking for cortisol levels again. Dr B has also told me to cut my work back to 4 days a week which I was a bit hesitant about - mostly because I have SOOOO much to do before I finish up, but also glad about because I'm pretty knackered by the end of the week! I'm happy to do whatever he tells me, so as of this week, I'll now have Fridays off! Yay! So, taking out my annual leave, I only have 32 actual work days left! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!

Anyway, I'm off to read the other blogs seseing as I've been sick and haven't been online. Hope everyone is well and look forward to catching up on more shortly!

: D

25w!! Yay!

Well, just a quick post.... mostly to mark the day! I am 25w today and BOY does it feel good?!?! Bub has been kicking madly alot of the day, although I do notice there are blocks of time where there are no movements at all so I can only assume bub is asleep! It gives me some real whacks now and I can see it a fair bit from the outside which is still one ofthe freakiest experiences ever! Good freaky of course, but weird all the same!!!
My appetite has increased a fair bit in the past week or so and I'm certain I'm having a growth spurt as I've been having a heap of stretching pains these past few days.

Yay for GS for doubling her HCG levels in her BT. Soooo happy for her! Yay for Nani too who is feeling M/S and having food aversions! Fingers crossed for Bubba.... still waiting to hear the outcome of this TWW! Cmon...... please another BFP!!!! And of course to Rolz who is still early days into this cycle but hopefully good things will come! We're on a roll here ladies! Big hugs too to Summa who is also in the TWW but is having a bit of a rough trot. Still thinking of you every day......

Well, best get back to work! Bub just kicked my right side pretty hard so it obviously think I should get back to work too!! lol!

Good news brings more good news!!!!!!

Wow, GS is pregnant! What more can I say??!! Just fantastic news!!!! So this month that makes Nani AND Gs....... good news never stops there....... who will be next?!?!?! Am sooooo happy for you girls!
Time for more good news from SWB me thinks!!!!
: D

24w4d...... did someone say VIABILITY???

I did it! WE did it!!! Bubba has stuck and stayed with me to the point the OB's call viability..... so worst case scenario if bubba now comes early, it stands a good fighting chance!!!! For me it really feels nothing short of a miracle!!!! And I guess while I'm talking about that, I'd really love to sincerely thank from the bottom of my heart ALL my SWB friends who have helped me and comforted me and supported me through this whole experience. You guys kept me sane, you kept me smiling, you kept me positive and for that I am eternally grateful!!! Thanks again girls xxxxxxxx

Oh and the pic I have attached is from 23w6d last Wednesday but seriously think I have doubled between then and now! Might even take a pic this week and show the difference!!! It's been almost overnight!!!


On a slightly more sad but perhaps bitter sweet not, my good friend here at work J who I mentioned a couple of posts back, lost 2 of her quads last week. I say bittersweet as the other two little ones are still safe and sound and tucked nicely away so all is not lost. I wish her every bit of luck and happiness I can muster in the weeks and months to come. Always thinking of you J xxx

Was just reading Nani's blog and soooooooo happy that gorgeous little bubby of hers is doing great and Nani is feeling better! Except for constipation and allergies, you poor thing!!! I got the dreaded pregnancy constipation about 6 weeks and let me give you one piece of advice Nani....... Sultana Bran!!! I have it religiously EVERY morning with skim milk and it saved me big time!!!!! I also found some good snack bars in the supermarket that are high in fibre that have helped too and most days at work I eat a Packham pear (if you like eating pears that is...) and so that problem is now under control!!! lol! But Nani, all my fingers and toes etc are all crossed for you and I am praying every day that all will be ok!! I'm sure it will but just wanted you to know I was thinking of you! : )

Also, YAY to the girls in SWB who are approaching their third trimesters...... how QUICK has that gone?!?!?!?! Blows me away just thinking about it!!!!

For the girls in SWB who are yet to get that elusive BFP, you kow we're all still holding our breath, crossing our fingers and fighting the fight with you!!!! Not far now, I'm sure!!!! Bugger to Rolz for AF showing up last week but let's hope this cycle is a little kinder to you. Also to Bubba, this is such an exciting TWW and I PRAY that this one brings great news all round!!!!

Well, better get back to work but hope everyone is well and catch you again soon!

: D

23w4d

Well, today is the day in the twin pregnancy that I went into labour. Can't believe it was at this point in my pregnancy that everything turned so pear shaped. Whilst I'm still afraid of jinxing myself (am sure it won't happen though!!) I will say, that this pregnancy now seems a whole different experience. Can't even really describe the differences, maybe it's just that I'm older and been through more..... but things just now feel......right. Maybe I'm just letting myself finally believe that this is happening? A part of me feels like I am letting my guard down when I type this and that makes me feel vulnerable for some reason, but at the same time absolutely elated. Someone pinch me.....

On a sad note, DP's cousin passed away yesterday. He was only 38 and he had a massive heart attack whilst riding a horse on Saturday arvo. He was at a comp in Werribee and they took him to Footscray hospital where he was operated on quite late on Saturday night and ballooned his arteries etc but they declared him dead yesterday morning. Apparently at the time of the heart attack he had a very long period of time where he wasn't breathing and no oxygen got to his brain and there was no sign at all of brain activity when they tested about 5am yesterday. He was an organ donor and they "harvested" (such an awful term) his organs for donation mid yesterday morning. DP is quite shocked, as is the rest of the family. He was quite a fit guy, playing football and wasn't a smoker or anything like that. Enjoyed a social drink but no more than the next bloke. Dp and his cousin were the only two boys in his family and now DP feels a little lost I think without him. I'm not one to panic or anything but I have made DP he will go soon and have his heart checked. DP'd dad and uncle have both had heart attacks, and DP's grandfather had 2 - the second one ended his life, and his grandfathers' 3 brothers also died from heart attacks (2 of them in their 30's) which I only just found most of this out on Saturday night. I'm sure DP will be fine, but I'd rather get him checked over just to give me piece of mind. It's clearly hereditary! Let' just hope he has his Mum's heart! DP is now the only male on his dad's side of the family that hasn't had a heart attack and I'd like to keep it that way!!!

DP felt bub going off it's nut last night in my tummy. I climbed into bed and told DP to put his hand on my tummy and just as he did it was kicking and rolling about like mad (must have been getting comfy for bed!!) and he felt it heaps. He couldn't believe how much it moved as that's the most he's felt it, and he asked how anyone could possibly sleep with that going on inside them!! It's not THAT bad justyet, but everyone says when you get to later in the pregnancy it can be ahrd getting to sleep when bub is playing jungle gym inside you!!

Bought some cute baby clothes over the weekend. It's very hard though, being the only person who knows what I'm having. Still haven't told DP that I accidentally was told by the OB what we're having but it's actually not been so hard keeping it to myself. The thing I find funny is when people keep telling me what they think I'm having. My future mother in law is adamant that she knows what I'm having and she's actually wrong so I get a little giggle to myself when she goes on about it!! But it's meant I can buy a few little special things that I have found that are specific to the sex of the bub.... I just have to hide them RIGHT at the very top of the built in robe cause no one would ever look up there! On the weekend I bought some little one piece outfits from Paul Frank which are so cute but a little bit cool, and also some bits and pieces of Ralph Lauren (which are just for special occasions!) including a little pair of pre-walker shoes and they are soooo adorable. I think I'm getting used to this being relaxed and enjoying it thing...... : D

23w1d..... and counting!

First thing's first...... a huge congrats to Nani!!!! I'm just gob smacked and sooooo happy for her and her DH! Seriously, it's the best news I've heard in ages!!! I hope you read this Nani and are relaxed and enjoying this time! (don't be like me and worry so much!!) This news has seriously made my day!!

As for me, I've been so bloody emotional/hormonal/tired/grumpy..... all ofthe above - for the past week or so. I think trying to stay positive for so long has taken it's toll a bit on me and I'm pretty darn knackered to be honest! Not to say that my positivity has wained at all, it's as strong as I try to keep it! But I'm so god damned tired and on tenterhooks knowing that in another 2 days I'll be at the point in my pregnancy where I lost the twins. I JUST need to get over this next week and I'll be able to let my breath out and try to get my mind back to enojying this experience, and not having that concern in the back of my mind! 5 months of that is more than one person can take, day in, day out! I'm not complaining, I'm just tired!!! But at this point in time, I stilll have no spotting, no leaking fluid, no weird pains or anything..... just normal! And I can't tell you how good it feels! Am not going to write about it any more today..... or for the next few days for fear of still jinxing myself though!!!

It's enough for me at this stage to know that I feel bub every day, and by feeling bub, I mean PLENTY of movement! I am starting to be able to see it from the outside now and DP has probably felt it 8-10 times on separate occasions so that's just the stuff dreams are made of. I was in a work meeting today giving a presentation to some colleagues and bub kicked so hard I stopped and put my hand on my tummy and laughed! The lady next to me worked out what I was doing straight away and said "let me feel!!" and I didn't think she'd get to, but Bub kicked right on cue and she felt it! She was blown away just as much as I am every time I feel it! So, I guess in a nutshell, the pleasant reality is finally sinking in and I'm really starting to enjoy it!

Anyway, enough babble from me for another day - it's Friday! Yay!!! Hope everyone is well and see you all soon! : )

Long time between drinks....

Can't believe it's been a week since I've been on here!! Where have the days gone???

Have spent since Thursday playing tour guide for my little sister who came to visit me from Sydney. She's never been down before so it was awesome to have her down for a stay. Just wish it was longer. Was so sad to see her go, and I wish we lived a little bit closer.....

On a pg note, things are still holding out for me which I can't explain how grateful I am for this being the case..... someone really is looking out for me and bub and I can't explain how that feels. So today I'm 21w5d and so only a couple of weeks really until I can relax and enjoy this pregnancy. I don't want to look back and say I didn't enjoy it cause I spent the whole time panicking or worrying, but it's a bit hard not to when things keep going wrong or are on the verge of repeating themselves from my past..... but that light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter every day, and whilst I fear I will jinx myself, I am really starting to feel much better about the whole thing.

Have my next OB appointment tomorrow. Am still on weekly visits even though the OB told me two visits ago they would be pushed out to fortnightly. Whatever she says is fine by me! I will do whatever I am told to do if it works!!! Tomorrow they will check my cervix again and see how the placenta is going, just to ensure the abruption hasn't worstened. I haven't had any more spotting and am only leaking small amounts of fluid now, sporadically, so I'm hoping that's a good sign to indicate the placenta hasn't worstened. In regards to the placenta praevia, I doubt it's moved up or out of the way yet, but they will check the position again and see if there is any improvement whatsoever. I have a referral for another big scan at 32 weeks where they will again see the position of the placenta and I have everything crossed it has moved out of the way by then.
Plenty of time......

Have now put on somewhere between 4-5kg which is in the healthy range according to my OB so that's good to know. I feel the baby boot me quite a bit when I'm eating or straight after. Make me wonder if all the gurgling freaks it out!!! lol! Am on the look out for some new work pants, or I may just go and buy a belly belt tomorrow as my current pants are only an 8 and are cursing me every time I do them up, as they stretch and strain and groan!!! lol! They fit everywhere else ok, but around the tummy bit, they're just getting a wee bit too tight! That thought makes me happy you know, knowing that bub is getting bigger and is nice and healthy. It's a feeling I never thought I'd ever again get to know..... Apparently bub is just over 30cm long from head to toe now, and DP refers to it as a footlong sub from Subway!!! Poor baby!!! hahaha!!!

I read in a Cosmo Pregnancy magazine last night that once a baby gets to 24 weeks, it can sleep up to 95% of the day. Thank the lord that doesn't happen UNTIL the 24 week mark. If it happened now and I couldn't feel it cause it slept all the time, I would panic so much more!!!!

Lastly, but far from least...... a HUGE hug to my friend GS who I know is doing it really tough at the moment. I wish there was honestly something I could say or do to make the angst and the hurt go away GS, but I know there isn't...... just know I'm here for you...... my love also to RolzBub, Bubbalove, Summa, NanaK, Shel who are soldiering on in this TTC journey...... I still maintain a positive outlook and am keeping my fingers crossed for all of you.... xxx

A prayer for a friend

This post is for a friend, J that I work with...... J has one child, a little boy who is just gorgeous. J and her husband have been trying for child number 2 for just over 3 years now. She has lost count as to how many miscarriages she's had all up, but she's had 5 in the past 12 months. Her and her husband have recently undergone IVF treatment and today she has confirmed she is 9 weeks pregnant - with quads!!! And she has been told not to expect them all to survive..... oh, my poor J...... Here's to hoping and praying that all little bubs go the distance and you have a safe and problem free pregnancy. My thoughts are with you xxx

21st week....c'mon already!!

Well, even the most optimistic people have bad days..... yesterday was one for me. Had another little meltdown when I got into bed last night. I think I was overtired and probably hormones have alot to answer for, but spent another hour blubbering and to the point where DP could hardly even understand the words coming out of my mouth! The poor guy..... he really didn't know what to do or say. But to be honest, I think that my brain is collapsing from spending EVERY SINGLE DAY worrying about every little thing my body is doing and for the welfare of the bub. These last few weeks are going sooooooooo slow. And I'm not complaining, not at all but I just would love to enjoy this pregnancy like mum's to be are supposed to. Not spend 5 months flat out worrying about if your baby will even live. It's much more than one little human brain and set of emotions can handle. But I WILL persevere, I know it's not so long to go. I just feel like I need a little time out - just a few days of stress free thoughts and pretty much thinking happy thoughts and I'll be back on track. I know that I will be able to do that and do that convincingly after the 24 week mark. God, I've never hung out for a milestone so much in my life..... not for anything!

20 week OB visit

Well, dare I relax?? Dare I say that the OB said today that she (I had Vicki this time, not Jamie) was VERY happy with how things were looking, all things considered. My cervix length has actually INCREASED to about 5.5cm which was fantastic (was about 3.5cm) and she said something along the lines of once it gets to that point, (unless something completely unforeseen happens) I should be able to hang on until at least 28 weeks!! She said it was a good indicator of what will happen over the next 6-8 weeks, so to say I'm relieved would be the understatement of the century..... She was happy with the placenta as it hasn't gotten any worse. The top of my uterus is sitting just behind my belly button which is great and her only concern at this stage was whether or not my placenta will grow up and out of the way as my uterus grows. According to her, one in five placentas stay low lying but that will just mean a C-section instead of a natural birth. In the scheme of things (whilst I'd rather NOT have one given a choice) that's a bloody small price to pay to get my baby out ok! In her words, the next three weeks will be the most stressful, as we get to a point where bub reaches "viability". And between then and 28 weeks I would still need to be flown to Melbourne and the risks are still high but better in bubs favour of course. Then after 28 weeks I would be able to stay local and all should be ok for bub if born after that stage. Of course I'm still tense to the max (still can't sleep with worry) with worry about these next three weeks, but I'm starting to feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Ijust can't allow myself to relax just yet. I have come so far but still feel like I have so far to go. Please, please hang in there bub. I'm busting to meet you, but I'm happy to wait!!!

20 Week Scan..... made it!

So, I had my 20 week scan yesterday and I cannot begin to put into words the sheer and utter relief I felt afterwards..... To see the huge checklist of things they check in regards to the bub and see ticks in every single box..... well that has to be one of the most amazing moments of my life and I am eternally grateful.

Of course there is always room for human error or things getting missed or developing later, but for now I have a nice, normal and HEALTHY baby and I'm soooo happy....

Cameron the sonographer was lovely. He checked everything! Hands (they check the number of bones in the little finger - 2 will often indicate a downs baby whereas as three bones should indicate a lower chance of this. They also check numbers of fingers and two thumbs - which at one stage the bub had sticking up and the forefinger out like it was shooting an imaginary gun! Quite cute! And of course they check bone length, head circumference, tummy circumference, brain development, nuchal fold, the heart, the lungs, the diaphragm, the bladder, kidneys, renal arteries, intestines (to make sure they're in the tummy and NOT the umbilical cord, eeew!), feet, legs...... I can't think of one area that doesn't get the once over! Actually, I can.... we chose not to find out what we are having (as much as I'm dying to know!!!) so he tried to stay away from that area as much as possible. He was still down there a bit when checking the bladder and measuring the femur length though..... and I didn't actually spot any boy bits!! It's too hard to tell for a novice like me of course, and then you also have the umbilical cord floating around so I'm FAR from 100% sure but my guess is a girl.....

The placental umbruption hasn't gotten any worse either which is also a huge relief. My leaking is back, but alot more sporadic than what it was so hopefully it tapers off soon. The fluid is pretty much now a yellow colour (sounds gross but same kind of colour as bile). It is very watery and not thick at all like spotting. I have my weekly OB appointment tomorrow morning so no doubt we will discuss this again then. I have been pretty tired the last week, but work has been super stressful (hardly had any time for SWB!! Well, not as much as I would like....) so hopefully that settles down too!! Don't mind so much though, it makes the days go quickly!!

Well, that's about it for today as I've got 4 contracts waiting to be written on my desk here so better go. Will update after my OB appointment tomorrow.

Hello to my good friends out there in UTD and TTC world!! Missing you all cause I've been flat out but will get time tonight to go through blogs and stuff. Please don't think I'm ignoring you!!!! : )

Quick post, I promise!

So...... yesterday had my first "leak-free" day in honestly, I can't remember how long! Not spotting either! Oh, praise the lord, someone IS listening!!! Obviously not out of the woods yet, but it's nice to have a day where my head isn't spinning with worry! Haven't leaked MUCH today either, so I'm hoping like mad it's slowing up a bit.

DP is getting the flu and feeling miserable so heading home shortly to make him a nice dinner and run him a hot bath. Wouldn't normally do that kind of thing (running him a bath of course, I do cook tea!!), but it's seriously been pouring here all day, and about 6 degrees and he's working outside all day so I'm thinking he might want to thaw out!!! Poor bugger!

Well, that's all for today! See you soon!!

Another OB visit....

Good arvo!!
I'm at home today cause I had more gushing of fluid loss so I rang the clinic and my OB said to come straight down. Had a heap of tests, including one that took a sample of the fluid again that I'm leaking and (the test actually looked like an OPK dip stick thingy!) it checks to see if it's amniotic fluid or other fluid I'm leaking. Anyway, the good news is that it's not amniotic fluid but it is coming from me, and not the baby. I had a scan and my cervix is still about 3.5 - 3.6 cm long and it's closed nicely still.
Also, bub was flipping around and going well completely unaware of what was going on in the outside world! What a relief, I can't explain it! Plus it's been quiet the last couple of days and I hadn't felt it so that just added to my anxiety levels!
They did blood tests and swabs to check for infection of any illnesses but the swabs the last few times have been completely clear of anything so he doesn't think there's any kind of infection. The abruption of my placenta hasn't gotten any worse and that' what he was most concerned about so probably all in all, that was the most relief I've had in a week! Again he said that it was likely I would continue to 'leak' for the duration of my pregnancy and whilst he didn't tell me not to worry - cause he can't guarantee that there isn't reason to - he told me what to look out for so that I can sleep at night!!! I look like a hundred year old hag from laying awake worrying!!
My goodness..... what a worrysome time!!! Nearly 19 weeks so about 5 weeks to go until the safe zone! Cmon goddamnit!!! I want to breathe again!!! lol!!!
How many china men did I run over in a past life for all this worry?!?!?!

I wanted to add...... last night I laid in bed and cried and cried and I mean HOWLED like a baby until about 11:30pm! Poor DP didn't know what to do and I tried to explain to him that I was just feeling like I'd done something wrong in a past life and I was over tired and feeling upset and helpless!!! He was wonderful and just cuddled me until I eventually cried myself to sleep. I always do my best to stay upbeat and positive, but some days it really does seem like the world is against me having a baby!! I'm better today after I let it all out, and I feel positive that I can do this. I can last another 5 weeks. I will give my life for this baby, I love it so much.
A massive thanks to all those who have thought of me and bubs in their messages and blogs. It really does mean the world to me. You gals are all awesome! xxx

Yes, still leaking!!

I am now singing "6 months in a leaky boat" by Split Enz in my mind!!! I guess that's what I feel like at the moment! This morning got out of the shower and was at the mirror toning my face and geetting ready for work again, when I felt a gush. I look down to see probably the equivalent of about 3 tablespoons of liquid running down the inside of my thigh and onto the floor mat. I panic but not as much cause now it's happening pretty much every day. Now it just does my head in and I wonder to myself if I should be doing more about it but the OB knows and he said not to worry too much about it just yet and to worry more if it's a constant stream, or if there's red blood. How can I NOT worry about it?? I rang him today just to talk about it and he confirmed I had a grade 1 placental abruption, so certainly not cause for extreme alarm or anything, but the close monitoring will apparently continue for entire length of the pregnancy now, not just until 24 weeks. That's a good and a bad thing..... of course I'm super grateful for all of the expert care I'm getting. Not for one second would I want it any other way, but the alarm bells ring in the back of my mind and think that I probably won't really get much of a chance at all to really enjoy this pregnancy. I will probably spend every waking moment worrying about whether or not my baby is ok, is it distressed, will it affect it long term?? But again, I will do my best to stay positive! I am booked in now for my 20 week scan on the 5th of July. Bring on about 28 weeks!! PLEASE!!!

More for the girls!

This post is just about the girls who have departed SWB (for now!).....

Summa, I have been tracking your blog and seriously, without trying to sound over the top optimistic, your symptoms to date are looking awesome!!! I can't wait to see more updates on how you are tracking and if there have been any new developments!!! I seriously do have everything crossed for you!

Shel, I am very proud of you for taking a new level of control in your life in regards to TTC. It's a freakin tough decision and it's one that seems to have been adopted also by GS. It is never easy to make that kind of decision, but I really take my hat off to you! I still think doing that myself was the best thing I ever did in hindsight..... I hope you have the same outcome!! : )

Green Sprout, well..... what can I say?? You know how I feel about your situation! You've just gone through a big deal in regards to your lap and I know they couldn't give you any answers as such, but I guess if you look at it from the perspective that you can work backwards through the process of elimination...... you've at least been able to strike some possible issues off your list. I know it still leaves a big black hole on that list, but I'm so proud of you for deciding to stay positive and tackle this head on! And you've got us all supporting you so please don't throw in the towel! Not yet!!!

Nani.....you're really struggling (as you all are I know) and I hope and pray that you and your DH can work through this together. Try looking at all the options you still have in front of you and the great support that you have and don't forget the fact that you really can conceive. Some people don't even have that to hang onto. I'm not taking anything away from how you're feeling, I just want you to hang onto something like that for hope and inspiration. It's a very positive outlook you have if they can help you O and don't lose sight of what you know you can achieve! You WILL get there!!!

Well, I just wanted to post this to you all to say hello and that I'm still holding out hope for you all!! Take care and see you around! : )