23w1d..... and counting!

First thing's first...... a huge congrats to Nani!!!! I'm just gob smacked and sooooo happy for her and her DH! Seriously, it's the best news I've heard in ages!!! I hope you read this Nani and are relaxed and enjoying this time! (don't be like me and worry so much!!) This news has seriously made my day!!

As for me, I've been so bloody emotional/hormonal/tired/grumpy..... all ofthe above - for the past week or so. I think trying to stay positive for so long has taken it's toll a bit on me and I'm pretty darn knackered to be honest! Not to say that my positivity has wained at all, it's as strong as I try to keep it! But I'm so god damned tired and on tenterhooks knowing that in another 2 days I'll be at the point in my pregnancy where I lost the twins. I JUST need to get over this next week and I'll be able to let my breath out and try to get my mind back to enojying this experience, and not having that concern in the back of my mind! 5 months of that is more than one person can take, day in, day out! I'm not complaining, I'm just tired!!! But at this point in time, I stilll have no spotting, no leaking fluid, no weird pains or anything..... just normal! And I can't tell you how good it feels! Am not going to write about it any more today..... or for the next few days for fear of still jinxing myself though!!!

It's enough for me at this stage to know that I feel bub every day, and by feeling bub, I mean PLENTY of movement! I am starting to be able to see it from the outside now and DP has probably felt it 8-10 times on separate occasions so that's just the stuff dreams are made of. I was in a work meeting today giving a presentation to some colleagues and bub kicked so hard I stopped and put my hand on my tummy and laughed! The lady next to me worked out what I was doing straight away and said "let me feel!!" and I didn't think she'd get to, but Bub kicked right on cue and she felt it! She was blown away just as much as I am every time I feel it! So, I guess in a nutshell, the pleasant reality is finally sinking in and I'm really starting to enjoy it!

Anyway, enough babble from me for another day - it's Friday! Yay!!! Hope everyone is well and see you all soon! : )

Long time between drinks....

Can't believe it's been a week since I've been on here!! Where have the days gone???

Have spent since Thursday playing tour guide for my little sister who came to visit me from Sydney. She's never been down before so it was awesome to have her down for a stay. Just wish it was longer. Was so sad to see her go, and I wish we lived a little bit closer.....

On a pg note, things are still holding out for me which I can't explain how grateful I am for this being the case..... someone really is looking out for me and bub and I can't explain how that feels. So today I'm 21w5d and so only a couple of weeks really until I can relax and enjoy this pregnancy. I don't want to look back and say I didn't enjoy it cause I spent the whole time panicking or worrying, but it's a bit hard not to when things keep going wrong or are on the verge of repeating themselves from my past..... but that light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter every day, and whilst I fear I will jinx myself, I am really starting to feel much better about the whole thing.

Have my next OB appointment tomorrow. Am still on weekly visits even though the OB told me two visits ago they would be pushed out to fortnightly. Whatever she says is fine by me! I will do whatever I am told to do if it works!!! Tomorrow they will check my cervix again and see how the placenta is going, just to ensure the abruption hasn't worstened. I haven't had any more spotting and am only leaking small amounts of fluid now, sporadically, so I'm hoping that's a good sign to indicate the placenta hasn't worstened. In regards to the placenta praevia, I doubt it's moved up or out of the way yet, but they will check the position again and see if there is any improvement whatsoever. I have a referral for another big scan at 32 weeks where they will again see the position of the placenta and I have everything crossed it has moved out of the way by then.
Plenty of time......

Have now put on somewhere between 4-5kg which is in the healthy range according to my OB so that's good to know. I feel the baby boot me quite a bit when I'm eating or straight after. Make me wonder if all the gurgling freaks it out!!! lol! Am on the look out for some new work pants, or I may just go and buy a belly belt tomorrow as my current pants are only an 8 and are cursing me every time I do them up, as they stretch and strain and groan!!! lol! They fit everywhere else ok, but around the tummy bit, they're just getting a wee bit too tight! That thought makes me happy you know, knowing that bub is getting bigger and is nice and healthy. It's a feeling I never thought I'd ever again get to know..... Apparently bub is just over 30cm long from head to toe now, and DP refers to it as a footlong sub from Subway!!! Poor baby!!! hahaha!!!

I read in a Cosmo Pregnancy magazine last night that once a baby gets to 24 weeks, it can sleep up to 95% of the day. Thank the lord that doesn't happen UNTIL the 24 week mark. If it happened now and I couldn't feel it cause it slept all the time, I would panic so much more!!!!

Lastly, but far from least...... a HUGE hug to my friend GS who I know is doing it really tough at the moment. I wish there was honestly something I could say or do to make the angst and the hurt go away GS, but I know there isn't...... just know I'm here for you...... my love also to RolzBub, Bubbalove, Summa, NanaK, Shel who are soldiering on in this TTC journey...... I still maintain a positive outlook and am keeping my fingers crossed for all of you.... xxx

A prayer for a friend

This post is for a friend, J that I work with...... J has one child, a little boy who is just gorgeous. J and her husband have been trying for child number 2 for just over 3 years now. She has lost count as to how many miscarriages she's had all up, but she's had 5 in the past 12 months. Her and her husband have recently undergone IVF treatment and today she has confirmed she is 9 weeks pregnant - with quads!!! And she has been told not to expect them all to survive..... oh, my poor J...... Here's to hoping and praying that all little bubs go the distance and you have a safe and problem free pregnancy. My thoughts are with you xxx

21st week....c'mon already!!

Well, even the most optimistic people have bad days..... yesterday was one for me. Had another little meltdown when I got into bed last night. I think I was overtired and probably hormones have alot to answer for, but spent another hour blubbering and to the point where DP could hardly even understand the words coming out of my mouth! The poor guy..... he really didn't know what to do or say. But to be honest, I think that my brain is collapsing from spending EVERY SINGLE DAY worrying about every little thing my body is doing and for the welfare of the bub. These last few weeks are going sooooooooo slow. And I'm not complaining, not at all but I just would love to enjoy this pregnancy like mum's to be are supposed to. Not spend 5 months flat out worrying about if your baby will even live. It's much more than one little human brain and set of emotions can handle. But I WILL persevere, I know it's not so long to go. I just feel like I need a little time out - just a few days of stress free thoughts and pretty much thinking happy thoughts and I'll be back on track. I know that I will be able to do that and do that convincingly after the 24 week mark. God, I've never hung out for a milestone so much in my life..... not for anything!

20 week OB visit

Well, dare I relax?? Dare I say that the OB said today that she (I had Vicki this time, not Jamie) was VERY happy with how things were looking, all things considered. My cervix length has actually INCREASED to about 5.5cm which was fantastic (was about 3.5cm) and she said something along the lines of once it gets to that point, (unless something completely unforeseen happens) I should be able to hang on until at least 28 weeks!! She said it was a good indicator of what will happen over the next 6-8 weeks, so to say I'm relieved would be the understatement of the century..... She was happy with the placenta as it hasn't gotten any worse. The top of my uterus is sitting just behind my belly button which is great and her only concern at this stage was whether or not my placenta will grow up and out of the way as my uterus grows. According to her, one in five placentas stay low lying but that will just mean a C-section instead of a natural birth. In the scheme of things (whilst I'd rather NOT have one given a choice) that's a bloody small price to pay to get my baby out ok! In her words, the next three weeks will be the most stressful, as we get to a point where bub reaches "viability". And between then and 28 weeks I would still need to be flown to Melbourne and the risks are still high but better in bubs favour of course. Then after 28 weeks I would be able to stay local and all should be ok for bub if born after that stage. Of course I'm still tense to the max (still can't sleep with worry) with worry about these next three weeks, but I'm starting to feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Ijust can't allow myself to relax just yet. I have come so far but still feel like I have so far to go. Please, please hang in there bub. I'm busting to meet you, but I'm happy to wait!!!

20 Week Scan..... made it!

So, I had my 20 week scan yesterday and I cannot begin to put into words the sheer and utter relief I felt afterwards..... To see the huge checklist of things they check in regards to the bub and see ticks in every single box..... well that has to be one of the most amazing moments of my life and I am eternally grateful.

Of course there is always room for human error or things getting missed or developing later, but for now I have a nice, normal and HEALTHY baby and I'm soooo happy....

Cameron the sonographer was lovely. He checked everything! Hands (they check the number of bones in the little finger - 2 will often indicate a downs baby whereas as three bones should indicate a lower chance of this. They also check numbers of fingers and two thumbs - which at one stage the bub had sticking up and the forefinger out like it was shooting an imaginary gun! Quite cute! And of course they check bone length, head circumference, tummy circumference, brain development, nuchal fold, the heart, the lungs, the diaphragm, the bladder, kidneys, renal arteries, intestines (to make sure they're in the tummy and NOT the umbilical cord, eeew!), feet, legs...... I can't think of one area that doesn't get the once over! Actually, I can.... we chose not to find out what we are having (as much as I'm dying to know!!!) so he tried to stay away from that area as much as possible. He was still down there a bit when checking the bladder and measuring the femur length though..... and I didn't actually spot any boy bits!! It's too hard to tell for a novice like me of course, and then you also have the umbilical cord floating around so I'm FAR from 100% sure but my guess is a girl.....

The placental umbruption hasn't gotten any worse either which is also a huge relief. My leaking is back, but alot more sporadic than what it was so hopefully it tapers off soon. The fluid is pretty much now a yellow colour (sounds gross but same kind of colour as bile). It is very watery and not thick at all like spotting. I have my weekly OB appointment tomorrow morning so no doubt we will discuss this again then. I have been pretty tired the last week, but work has been super stressful (hardly had any time for SWB!! Well, not as much as I would like....) so hopefully that settles down too!! Don't mind so much though, it makes the days go quickly!!

Well, that's about it for today as I've got 4 contracts waiting to be written on my desk here so better go. Will update after my OB appointment tomorrow.

Hello to my good friends out there in UTD and TTC world!! Missing you all cause I've been flat out but will get time tonight to go through blogs and stuff. Please don't think I'm ignoring you!!!! : )