the sound of silence (cont from Summa's post)

ok, so I was going to post on Wednesday but I jsut haven't gotten around to it!!
I acutally just tried to comment on a post by Summastarlet but I couldn't seem to get it to post.... it was in relation to the lack of chatter on our FB page. I HATE it that's it's gotten like this. I know as one of the group that is UTD, you become acutely aware of the fact that your posts about scans and OB appointments and all the good stuff must cut to the bone. I feel awful about it but I don't really know what to say about it. I don't mind from my own perspective if the others girls' posts are down and out - it doesn't take the shine off my situation, and I really just want to be there to support them, not to feel like they can't talk about their hurt and their pain. I just have loved our banter and our discussions so much! I've come to rely on them so much and probably even bordering on addicted to seeing how everyone is going! I hope that it's just a little quiet phase we're going through, a little dip in the road and we'll come good again!! I do of course understand that if it's too painful to hear the good stuff, you wouldn't want it rubbed in your face all the time if you're having a shit time of it all. Please don't think we ever mean it or do it on purpose. I guess our forum was set up to share - good AND bad.....
Let's hope we get back into the swing of things soon!!!!! Think you girls are all awesome!!!! (probably spend more time chatting with you lot than I do my "real life" friends!!!)

So, had my last OB appointment on Tuesday arvo. Met my student midwife Lydia who will be taking this journey with me. She's lovely and very willing to help any way she can. Had another scan which was fantastic. The good news in a way is that I have to have an OB appointment every two weeks until at LEAST the 24 week mark to check my cervix and ensure it's not incompetent! This is good causeI get to have a scan fortnightly and see that bub is going all ok! Bub on Tuesday was still as active as ever, heart beating away madly. The OB even referred to it as a little acrobat! Again it didn't sit still!!!

I also had a cervical swab to ensure I don't have any infections or anything. Don't have any symptoms for anything like that, but it's routine and I'd rather them check! It was basically like having a pap smear only it went for a little longer as he took 3 swabs. Cold speculum!!!! Brrrrr!!!

Anyway, so I have to go for a pelvic ultrasound next Wednesday which is an internal scan. This is to check the length of my cervix and to ensure it is staying nice and tightly closed like it should. If there is any sign that it is shortening and possibly opening, they will put a stitch in it. I HOPE more than anything it's staying put!!!

Not much else to report for now. Next OB appointment is 8th of June.

Oh, oh, oh!! Don't know how I could forget!!!! Last night whilst laying on the lounge talking to DP, I felt something which felt like someone tickling their fingertips across the bottom of my tummy!!!! It very well COULD be wind, but it felt different to that! Won't read too much into it, but am wondering if because this TECHNICALLY isn't my first baby, if I'm feeling it a little earlier than I expected?!?!?!? I HOPE so!!!!

Have a great weekend! See you next week!!!

13w4d

Blah, getting a cold! WTF is that all about - especially when one can't take Codral and Soldier On!!!! lol!! Got sniffles and a scratchy throat so it will be a day or two and I'll be smack bang in the middle of it!!! Yay! Can't wait! Am going to research some options for medicine at the chemist. Am wondering if any of those Lemsip products work and if they do, can I take them??

Still, at least I've got another OB appointment to look forward to tomorrow! Got it at 3:50pm so that should take care of a slow afternoon!! Wonder if he'll do another scan? Wouldn't have thought so seeing as I only just had my 12 week NT scan a week and a half ago! Would love him to though!! Am going to talk to him about finishing up work. Spoke to my boss about it this morning and have tentatively said I'd like to finish up on the 29th of October, all going well. If my OB thinks that's ok then I'll book it in and we will start the recruitment process in the next month or so. My replacement will probably also do 2 months in August and September, backfilling for a colleague of mine who is on long service leave in August and September, and then will work along side me during September to have a handover period, and then I'll be out of here!!! For someone who has always enjoyed a good career and her independence, I'm REALLY looking forward to the break and it's surprising me!!

Can't remember what I wrote last week in my blog so am worried I'll repeat myself! Went up to the hospital last week and spoke to them about booking in. I have an appointment onf the 15th of July with one of the midwives to take a tour, fill in forms, sign up for classes etc etc. Those sorts of events and talking about it like that makes it so much more real!

Well, that's all I've got to waffle about today. Hopefully all will go well at the OB tomorrow and I'll be able to have a nice, pleasant update on Wednesday!

12w5d

Can't believe the title of this blog is 12w5d.... it's just amazing to even BE at that point! It's been nice being able to share it with the world now and so that means reality is hitting me and making it so much more amazing!!

Above is a pic of my tummy at exactly 12w. Certainly starting to "chunk up" around the middle, but not really showing as such yet. Contemplated this morning taking fortnightly photos, just for this blog, cause I'm not sure if there'll be lots of changes as this progresses or if monthly will be enough??? I suppose fortnightly gives me a closer milestone to look forward to!!

Have my next OB appointment next Tuesday which will be great! I'm secretly hoping to have another scan done but he might not see the need to do yet another!! Just love watching bub now and seeing the haertbeat and knowing everything is ok!
Should get the combined results (scan and bloods) for the NT screen. Have just been praying from the good can results that all is ok. And am sure I would have heard something by now if there was anything too much for concern?!?!

So, a potentially interesting development this morning and I KNOW I wasn't dreaming this!!! I was laying in bed waiting for DP to be out of the shower and enjoying my last 10 minutes in bed before getting up for work. I'd gotten up at 2:30am for a wee cause I was busting but was fine at 7:15am this morning. So, I was laying flat on my tummy, head buried in the pillow to avoid the light when all of a sudden I felt a funny "tickling" sensation alomst like a wave ran across the lower right side of my tummy - so much so that it made me roll over a bit to my side - then I rolled back to my tummy and it did it again!!! Now, I wouldn't have thought it was possible to feel anything yet but whatever it was, it sure woke me up and got me thinking!!! They say if you're a first time Mum, you don't usually feel anything until about 16 - 20 weeks, but I'm not sure if because I had twins up to 6 months, that I'm classed as a first time Mum or if that past experience would have any bearing on me being able to feel anything any earlier?!?!?! I will be taking plenty of notice over the next week or so to see if I feel it again though!!! Wow, imagine if it really WAS bub!!! Now THAT would be cool!!!

Woke up this morning with a sore throat too, but it seems to have mostly passed as the day has worn on. Am feeling a little bit snuffly and am assuming I've got a cold on the way! Spent Saturday with my best friend whose 14 month old has a rotten cold, so possibly have picked it up off him?!?! Was always bound to get one sooner or later!

Did Combat at the gym last night. Am starting to notice more of a change around my middle when I see myself in the mirrors at the gym. Funny cause I nearly forget I'm pregnant and think "sheesh, you're getting FAT!!" and try to work that little bit harder!!! Silly!! Have Pump tonight and Step tomorrow night. Can't do the new Attack launch on Thursday night cause I have a hair appointment - priorities!!!!! Am going to add more and more brown to my rather blonde hair so that I can stretch out the visits a little longer. Currently I go every 4-5 weeks thanks to stupid regrowth! Ideally I'd love it to be more like 8 weeks.

Have a busy Saturday night this week too. Have dinner out with friends, followed by an engagement party and then a 21st - all in the one night!!! Am glad to finally be able to tell people why I'm designated driver!! I MAY give the 21st a miss. It's just around the corner from our house and it's basically a big piss up in the backyard, nothing flash. So may drop DP around there and he can walk home when he's had enough and I can curl up in bed to keep up my daily sleep quota!!

Well, that's quite enough for one day! Didn't mean to write so much but just got carried away waffling!!

Ciao for now! :)

12w today! Yay!

So, it appears I have made it to 12w safe and sound! I know it's real, but it's JUST NOT SINKING IN!!! I am so happy and relieved I can hardly put it into words!!
DP was soooo funny at the scan. I swear he thought it was still going to be a little blob of cells or something and then when it came onto the screen and it actually LOOKS like a little bubba, it just amazed him!
Bub moved and wriggled around the whole time!! It flipped from left to right, upside and down, facing us and then away! It was quite funny actually! Heart rate was 167 BPM whic was perfect and you could see all the limbs, knees, elbows, finger buds etc and it was gorgeous!
They did the Nuchal Fold test and the fold measured just under 1mm which he said combined with my age, puts me in the lowest risk category. Such wonderful news! Still have to confirm that with the blood tests I had done last week, but things certainly look hopeful.
It kept putting it's arms up and had it's little hands around it's head alot! At one point the ultrasonographer said, "Look! It's picking it's nose!!!" which DP and I both cracked up about! Certainly not MY trait!! lol!!
He checked my cervix on the ultrasound which he said was nicely closed up and looking perfect. Also my kidneys again and my ovaries and outside of the uterus, but everything was looking spot on.
I really couldn't have asked for a better scan to be honest. In a very big way, it feels unfair to have such a wonderful experience when my good friend Nanak had such an awful time last week. Things like that make me half feel guilty in a funny sort of way and makes me question again why sometimes things are so great for some, and rotten for others. But I know Nanak will have a wondeful time coming here way again shortly and I look forward to sharing her journey, along with my other FB TTC friends!!!
My Mum and Dad spent the morning ringing their siblings to share the wonderful news. My Dad rang his eldest sister first and he started crying and had to put my mum on the phone!!! My dad does not LOOK like a softie, but inside he's a big marshmallow! So cute!!
Anyway, that's enough for one day! I feel all I've done it think about this today!!! Oh well, I'm allowed to have ONE day focussing on it! It's been a lonnnnnng 8 weeks of worry!! Time to enjoy the moment! :)

11w6d

so today I'm 11w6d and I'm off for my scan tomorrow. Am sooooo nervous now it's not funny. I'm crossing everything that things will be ok and tomorrow morning I will see a nie active little bubba and a good strong heartbeat. It's the NT scan tomorrow and hope and pray everything is hunky dory.... In hindsight now I wonder if I shouldn't have done all this but I'm sure all will be ok anyway! Without trying to be too overly confident!!!! Such a fine line to walk!!!

Am very, very tired today and my eyes are burning from crying so much last night. DP and I had our 2nd rather large blue last night and it was just awful. He ended up taking off in the car for 2 hours and I was very worried. When he came back he was still angry and in a dreadful mood and our arguing jsut seemed to go around and around in circles. In the end something came up about work and he just seemed to hit a brick wall and got very upset. Nearly more upset than I've ever seen him. He then jsut seemed to spill everything about what is happening in his business, his staff, his customers and the unrealistic expectations they have on him, and the fact that his business partner has been off work for the past 3 months with a broken hip and he's had to carry the burden of so much stuff on his own. It's obviously not his business partner's fault in any way, shape or form, but I think we have all underestimated how much it has gotten to my DP. Even I didn't really see it, as like most blokes, he just bottles it all up and then blows his top when it all gets too much. In the end, he seemed almost relieved to be able to talk about it all and I reassured him that we would work on a plan to tackle each issue, one at a time. I'm a business manager in my current role, so have a little bit of an idea about business improvement practices etc so will do my best to support him and his business as best I can!
The good thing is that things are out in the open now and I hope DP feels more at ease discussing this now and not bottling it all up so much! We're in this together!!

Am having a very tough day at work too. Am sooooo looking forward to 5pm! It's now 2:15pm and haven't had a lunch break yet, so hope to head out shortly for a breath of fresh air and get away from my desk! Probably shouldn't be wasting time writing in this blog, but had to debrief somewhere! Also wanted to send a big thankyou to my FB/BH friends for your hugs and love last night when I was feeling rotten! Big hugs back to you all!!!

So, will update blog tomorrow as soon as I can with how the scan etc goes - can't wait to see DP's reaction when he sees it on the screen!!

So, I'm not quite as down and depressed as I was last time I wrote on here. Was even surprised myself how upset I was about NanaK's loss. It's made worse by the fact that we have followed right through TTC, shared the excitement of a BFP and then watched as it all crumbled around her. I just feel so horrible and helpless and whilst I KNOW she will be ok and everything will turn out wonderfully for her, it has hit pretty close to home.....

I've been feeling pretty good too most of the time. MS all but gone now I think. Still a few foods I can't stand the smell of - like steamed broccoli, cooking lamb etc as long as I keep my blood sugar fairly stable I don't feel too bad. Oh, and get plenty of sleep. I find if I'm over tired, I just fall in a hole and don't want to do anything!!!

Went to the gym three times last week (can't remember if I wrote that last time!) and I'm off to Combat again tonight. Have made a pact with one of my best friends that we would go 4 nights this week so that might be tough but will do my best! I haven't told this friend about my pg yet as she's been away and I wanted to get closer to 12 weeks to tell her. I will tell her at the gym tonight and hopefully she will be happy! She might get upset as I'm the person who got her going to gym classes in the first place and kick her butt if she slacks off!! She might have to do the butt kicking from now on!

Well, got sidetracked at work so it's now hometime! Well, gym time actually!! See you next time!

%^^$%^(#*^%($%@#%))#$(!!!!!!!! Life is soooooo f&cking unfair sometimes........ have just found out one of my dear TTC/PG buddies has lost their bub and I am just gutted for her. I am feeling like it's actually just a bad dream and I'll wake up and she'll be all ok and we get to continue to share this journey and now I can't imagine how she's feeling right now and there's nothing I can do to make it any better...... why does all this shit have to be so hard and the great people of the world get dealt the shit hands????? I am not a negative person at all but this has just stunned me..... all my love to you NanaK and you know we're here for you when you're ready to talk or if you need anything xxxx

10w6d

So, not much else to write today but I feel strangely obligated to write "waffle", just for the sake of updating something!!!
Am really starting to feel much better each day now, which is just awesome! Have been to two whole gym classes in a row this week and am hoping to get to one more tonight! Went to Combat Monday night and Pump last night and Step is on tonight after work.... then if I can hopefully go for a walk one day over the weekend and I'll be doing the kind of exercise schedule I'd be happy to maintain as long as possible. Each morning this past week, I've also been doing some extra push ups, sit ups, leg raises and free hand weights (only 2.5kg) to jsut help with a bit of muscle maintenance. Will just do what I feel comfortable doing.
I also have noticed that I'm getting back to feeling like "normal" food these past few days. Also not eating ridiculous amounts of any one type of food. They say the 2nd trimester is the "honeymoon" period of any pregnancy and I'm starting to believe that - not that I'm quite there yet!!!
Am starting to worry about when I'm supposed to contact the hospital and sort out some sort of antenatal class etc but I fear I'm not asking the questions of the right people when I get the chance! It's like I get into these appointments with the doc or the OB and get so caught up in what they're saying at the time, that I forget everything I want to ask!! I MUST make a bit of a list and ask next time I go!! I think I'll go back to my GP on Friday and get the results of my kidney function test and make sure everything is going ok there. Also check if my sodium levels are up at all from 41 last time!
Well, that's really all I've got to write tooday. Will try not to write for writing's sake, but I know some mornings here at work I DO get easily side tracked!! lol

10w4d

Soooo, just been reading my friends' blogs and all I can really say is that TTC sucks much more than I ever gave it credit for.... it's easy to say "it will happen in time", or "not long to go now, you jsut wait and see"... but you can't guarantee anything and nothing I can say or do is going to change that. I wish I knew why it happens so much easier for some than for others but the whole thing is a mystery to me. All I can do is be there for those poor girls if and when they need me. It's my nature to be the crazy optimist, but I know how much reality can get you down - even for the most determined optimist..... girls, you know who you are and I hope like hell every day that this cycle will be THE ONE for each of you. Stay strong, as strong as you can, and your TTC friends will always be here for you xxx

As for me, there's really nothing too important to note... just back from visiting the family for a few days which was nice. Also, the nausea and extreme fatigue seems to be reducing noticably which I can't explain how much of a relief that is. I almost feel normal again, and whilst I wouldn't have traded that feeling for anything, it really does take the shine off the whole experience.... but now things are starting to feel much better. I have the blood test this week to check for downs syndrome etc and then 12 week scan thursday the 13th of May. I have everything crossed it will all be ok. After that point I can breathe a little easier and I won't mind telling people after that point!

Other things I'm noticing.... been very bloated this past week. Not showing of course, but my tummy feels like it's completely full of gas and would explode if I popped it with a pin! Think it might have something to do with the fact that I'm a bit "bunged up". Sorry, TMI I know!! Been eating as much food with fibre as I can stomach but have been off most vegies for 5-6 weeks now so that's not helping. Bought sultana bran yesterday and am taking metamucil fibresure a couple of times a day. Also haven't really been doing much in the way of exercise which I don't think helps either. Am back to Combat again tonight and am PRAYING I'll feel well enough to do 3 classes this week. I'd be soooooo happy if that happens!

Anyway, better get back to work. Hi to all my TTC friends and have a wonderful afternoon!